oscillations..

2009-10-15T09:04:00.002+08:00

yay!

event over. whee.

still stuck with chewy's stuff though.

going KL this weekend! for work of course..

yawns. i need to start doing work. :(

was talking to alvin the other day during lunch.

His SS project was pretty interesting. basically he's supposed to go to Chinatown and document how it has so called "evolved" over the years since it was a random bunch of shophouses and warehouses with coolies and stuff. Soo this pretty much talks about how Singapore has changed over the years into a globalised city.
It's actually very thought provoking, coz i can think of various instances where things have changed, like the german sausage pushcart and the bars dedicated to the expats and the sex toy shop and blah blah blah. Even the shophouses are like revamped and clean and stuff, and most shops are dedicated to tourist items (very much like the chinatowns overseas). makes me want to go and snap some photos myself.

of course, that's if i have the time la.

new york in dec.
having a headache over shit things like insurance and when to fly and health forms and visa and MONEY. its so irritating la.
really hope its worth it. dunno how i'll cope there la. dunno whether i ever want to come back too. lol. but of course that is never an option especially with the contract hanging over my head. blah.

P wants us to quit the program. i'm like rah, whatever. the way its going..... sigh. maybe it is really time to move on.

sad and broken

2009-08-08T01:20:00.002+08:00

having a moment.

as usual.

you ever had the feeling that you chose wrong, and then that starts off a string of problems that lead to a complete u-turn in your life?

i seem to be living in such a moment right now.

i've been thinking - whether it was a stubborn mistake to choose the route i'm in now. maybe if i hadn't been in this uni, i'd have been somewhere else in the world - and probably be less miserable about my state of affairs.

i admit.

i regret signing the damn contract.
i regret going into this uni.
i regret starting the whole questioning myself over the quality and relevance of my education.
i regret allowing myself to tolerate the kind of shit i'm getting from starfish.

and this is probably the only time i will allow myself to feel that way.
just because i need to get the whole miserable thing off my chest and out of my mind.

life is tiring.
it's like trying to find the end of the rainbow.
the moment you think you have reached, it seems to ahve extended itself furthur.
think abt it- you go through the whole paper chase and get a degree. and then you start work and life goes on while you go through the whole chase over the 5 'C's. Hopefully you fall in love somewhere in the process and you start a family. and then what next? watch your kids grow up? try to make your first million? look forward to retirement? wait for life to end?

there isn't an exact end goal to it. its like you're going through the motions just to get to the point where you stop breathing. maybe you'd have been the greatest philantrophist in the world. or created the biggest scandal since hollywood started. or have earned so much money that watever you say affects the damn dow jones index. or just be some random dude that died in a "final destination"-like freak accident. or just grew so old that your heart just stops because the time is up.
so what if you're any of these things?

my cousin says i'm too jaded. my nus friend says i expect too much of myself. my neighbor says the weird lines on my palm indicates i have a 80% chance of being retarded (which surprisingly, explains alot of things). my boss thinks i'm just scared.

i guess they are all right.

zzz i have serious issues don't i?

Library

2009-05-06T16:11:00.001+08:00

Finally done with all the horrible papers. So annoying la. Anyways, time to take a good break before term 3 starts. Which is why I'm now reading a good book at the cafe at bedok - and blogging with my Ipod at the same time. Night out with stitch later- yay!
On the side note, wonder how al is doing in jk now. He's coming back on sun, like one day before term 3. Crazy fella. If he gets quarantined I'll laugh. HA!
Moving out of pgp tmr. Gonna miss the 24 the aircon and the personal spacei have been enjoying. C'mon la, how to have personal space with a 12 yr old kid brother permanently within 3m of you at home? Zzz oh wells.
Pat wants to meet me. Let's see if he ever manages to even fix a date. Sick of waiting for things to happen with him. Shall keep myself distracted with s ;) though I doubt things will work out in that direction. Fun hanging with him though. He's Damn rubbish la. Lol.

over and done with

2009-04-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

its disappointing really.

and i'm feeling emotionally torn. on one hand, i wished you had fight for it.
on the other, i don't want you too coz i know i would just fall back.

life sucks.

anyway, it's over.

i dont know whether to say finally or not.

playing 3 songs back to back..

you're not sorry by taylor swift
please dont leave me by pink
and blind by lifehouse.

that's probably how messed up i am. rah

okay time to stare at ODEs :(

2009-03-27T11:58:00.003+08:00

moody.

:(

guess this is what i get from bouncing around too much while hanging out with the rest of the guys.

mood swings are coming back.

my back hurts (still)

did an xray. basically i'm screwed.

going for physio, and i basically have no spare cash for it.

zzzz life sucks.

okay fine there are people willing to pay for me. but that's not the point!
never like oweing anybody anyway. besides daddy that is. lol

no purpose leh... zzzz

complain complain complain

2009-02-16T11:02:00.001+08:00

suhui is currently in class listening to some structure thingy.

which obviously she doesnt understand.

midterms are in 2 weeks

which basically means that suhui is screwed coz she doesnt understand 4 out of ther 5 modules.

damn

puked the other day from eating bad oysters.

starting to think that life sucks.

on the bright side, got approached for something again. so entertain me and let me reiterate – suhui is popular. though this time is not about love and relationships and whatever. pretty much have enough of that.

kinda sucks when someone likes you and he’s a really good friend of yours. coz the moment he comes clean, things change – you got to watch all your actions, try not to send any more wrong signals. and that means i cant be who i am. hate losing friends this way. and i’ve lost too many already.

dinner with the family last night. starting to hate such events. my frequency is so off from the rest of them. even those my age or at least around there. dont know whether its my fault. as jo said, CNY + christmas thingys are “dont bring brain out” days. so true.

entertained myself checking out my little nephews. taught yisheng a new word – poof. which my brother has been using. before that was jibaboom. if his mother knew i was the one who taught him that…. whoops. lol

oh well. time to go back to lecture. which i dont understand. bleagh

school ah!

2009-01-24T11:20:00.003+08:00

suhui is bored and blogging and facebooking instead of staring at her notes. talk about major procrastination. lol. ~~right wilson? fish fish fish!!!~~

school has started (unfortunately) and tutorials and labs start like next week.
sucks coz i havent had enough of "dont bring brain to school" first 2 weeks.
siigh. another 2 more months of insane running around in NUS. bleagh. never thought i would miss the 28-30 hr week of poly so much.

in any case, i kinda need to buck up this sem, considering that I will be helping out in boulderactive in a couple weeks time. even though jo thinks i'm crazy. but who cares. wahahhaha
spent the last week cooking mostly in dorm.
stuffed mushrooms, salmon, mushrooms, brocolli, eggs, sausages, bread pudding and more cholestrol raising stuff.

suhui is getting fat.

anyway, my room is still half in a mess, and i'm tempted to start on even more projects for the heck of it.
in my head now:

a side project involving red facepaint and the words boulderactive
a box with a metal wire cover
gold fishes on my windows
floating books bookshelf
pseudo aquarium (thsi is supposed to be a prezzie)
and since we are at it, let's do a terrarium too!

I think i'm going crazy. Must be the CNY thing.

parents kinda mad at each other again. zzz whats new

blah. shall update when in the mood.

and when i got something less boring to update about besides projects school and food. which is probably never. blah

boreddd

2009-01-02T16:31:00.004+08:00

out of sheer boredom,

suhui googled her name.

lots of hits - after all su hui is a common name.

and of course, there were hits of the twins, in which one of them share the same name as i do, except with a hyphen between su and hui. they seem to be pretty prominent in the CO circle. good for them anyway.

back to the actual topic- got correct hits off IDA, MSP and of course, facebook. none from NYP ( at least up to the page where i stopped and opened blogger instead). hmm.

anyway that was a totally random act with no aim or consequence. lols.

currently too lazy to do up the US pictures properly. especially after the mini disagreement with my parents.
hello! its 2000 freaking pictures! of course my filtering was insane! i mean who the hell wants to sit down and spend 30 mins to look at a photo slideshow! like seriously la, i did a ppt slide for the annual family gathering within 2 days, and i had 151 slides already. and some of the slides had more than one photo. fine, i understand that pple might not see the full picture coz there's only a couple photos of each place. but i mean there has to be a certain limit right?? if i really wanted to put everything i'd probably have 500 over pictures and 500 x 3 sec/pic would equate to 1500 sec and that would be 25 mins ALREADY.

gaah nvm.

spent NYE in MSFT playing poker. haha. and of course the view from there was really nice :)

updating and whining

2008-12-28T15:21:00.004+08:00

suhui should update. which she is doing now. roar.

its the end of the year. and kinda time for reminiscing.

2008 has been eventful to say the least.

one sentence highlights of 2008

i graduated from the poly

i got into a lot of trouble with the registrar right before graudation.

i got a job at the esplanade

i left my job at the esplanade

i left my 4 yr job at SCH

i was offered 3 scholarships

i picked one of them

my ass now belongs to a company

i entered NUS EE

i joined climbing

MSP had a major overhaul

i got a bronze medal at worldskills singapore

i wrote my first essay in 4 years

its my 2nd anniversary

i went to angkor wat

...

i'll update the list if there's anything else i can rmb.

in any case, its really been a crazy year. so many things happened, and so many things changed. new friends, new management, new environment, new experiences. not all good. or not up to my expectations

i guess that's the key issue.

kinda wish i was back in sec school. life was a whole lot more simpler then. go to school. put up with teacher's crap for an hour or so before the next teacher comes in and gives you more crap. end school. talk crap with your friends. go home. put up with parent's crap. repeat.

as you get older, politics come in. the people around you get more, how should i put it? protective of their own territory? annoy them and things happen. you realise that whatever you do has its own repercussions, whether or not you intended it that way. in other words, karma.

and then you start to see other people's net worth. of course this happens vice versa. you hang out with people that are useful to you. simlarly, people hang out with you because you are useful to them. and useful covers a lot of ground - studies, money, popularity, ego, skills, inferiority complex, affairs of the heart etc.

add that with the finance issue, and the boyfriend crap.

finally top it off with your own crap - largely involving any combination and permutation of the seven deadly sins and your own personal devil and angel on either side of your shoulder.

voila.

this is the life of a young adult. so much for the freedom you envisioned when you were a kid.

everything comes with a price. and the price for the freedom to make your own decisions is reponsibility. and that sucks.

dunno why i'm so cynical now. might be the end of the year thing. or the blardy xmas/cny songs.

gahhhh

procrastinating. as usual.

2008-11-11T11:25:00.000+08:00

Su hui's flight to SF is confirmed! yay :)

... why am I thinking of holidays now? zzz my mug mode button is Spoiled. sigh

will be parting with ds today. eugene will be taking care of it.. haha

yawns I'm blogging in physics Class again. I really need my mojo back. :(

2008-11-04T11:12:00.000+08:00

I'm here blogging in class.

Yes I know i'm supposed to be a good girl & listen. but seriously, i've been anything but.
life has been majorly crappy. homework is like Piling up. exams are LITERALLY around the corner. the msp program is resetting. and of course there's the men issue. Including the inapproppriate men issue. talk about screwed.

I don't know what I'm doing recently. Just seem to be flitting around, with no direction or aim. it's really disturbing, coz I'm supposed To have an aim, and even if I don't, My energy usually makes up for it. without both...

Worldskills ended well. that's what I tell myself anyway. Could have done better though . And that feeling is sucky. i tested My limits though. and found it. It didn't kill me. so I guess it made me stronger. Not that it really matters anymore.

on the not really that much brighter side, I'm 20 now. Spent my birthday at home Making apple & Strawberry crumble pie. Kinda random but it was really good. lol how exciting right.. hurhurhur

Will blog
more later if I have time. and not playing facebook. I really really need to Start studying :(

skeletons in the closet

2008-10-04T21:43:00.001+08:00

everyone has them.

i managed to increase the number of skeletons in my closet recently. and interestingly, i'm not bothered by it.

okay. maybe i am. a little.

its's been a really crappy week. and i think i have waay too many issues. and for those who have still got no idea what i'm talking about, dont worry, coz i've got no idea too. i'm just dumping whatever is popping out of my head. which probably explains the lack of structure and total randomness. oh well.

it's interesting how the mind works. how you can accept and be part of something that you were so much against. and damn. did i feel high after it was all over. well at least for the space of 30 mins. and THEN i started feeling restless. so much for a complete break away from reality. coz reality hits HARD after that.

being very cynical now. and so tempted to hit the self-destruct button. it seems like i'm losing control, which is SO not me. i feel lost, which isn't such a surprise coz i never know what i want anyway, but's bothering me a little too much nowadays.

i have a problem. but i have got NO idea what it is.

damn.

they say you should never regret. i totally agree with that. so screw it. high-ness rocks. and i think i'm becoming schizophrenic. gaaah

stole this off facebook

2008-09-19T12:28:00.001+08:00

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. The person is real, and the feelings are real - but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."-chuck klosterman

uni

2008-09-17T19:13:00.001+08:00

i'm staring at my work and hoping it would somehow magically finish itself. zzz.

dont know why but there's like this weird kerosene-y smell in my room. like its not bad enough with the musty smell which i managed to elminate with some jasmine air freshener. my room is so screwed la.

which brings me to the point that i'm kinda screwed too. whatever i touch in my room generates an electrostatic shock. and its damn painful when you sit down and end up shocking yourself =.=

uni life is kinda extreme. and very flexible. i mean, its like redefining freedom. those who think that poly is free enough already, wait till you come to uni. in academics you choose your own modules, and your workload. your social life gets really extreme too, depending on alot of factors like whether you stay in hall, have CCAs and actually talk to people in class. i would think its actually possible to go through one semester without talking unnecessarily - i mean most of the labs are individual and since you can have really really off timetables from the rest of your peers, its possible to go into every class and see a bunch of different pple. which is good for those loners i suppose. the workload here is kinda crazy too, labs come with analysis questions and lab reports, tutors can walk off right after class starts if you have no questions to ask in class so you kind of got to finish every damn question just in case you need him to go through something. exams carry an insanely high weightage, generally 60% (though i have one that is 80% !??!!?!) and the pace makes the poly pace look like a joke. here, its all about how you balance everything and everything is your own business. like whether your term tests clash with each other and your own schedule like how you manage your time such that you can finish 2 lab reports and study for 2 term tests and also finishing your tutorials within the space of a week.

if you're not careful. confirm plus chop burnout.

and of course, there's the undiscussed portion of uni life, largely involving clubs, boy + girls, smoking (even though its a non-smoking campus) and top 10 places to make out (which was actually published somewhere. like SERIOUSLY).

i'm kinda settling in. taking the internal shuttle everyday to get to my fac which is situated on a goddamn hill so i got to climb that stupid hill everyday. mugging, trying to smoke something out in the lab reports, having dinner with yizhe every now and then, annoying the TAs, slacking in my room on my bed in my old t-shirt, rock climbing every tuesday and generally trying to adapt to the world-class pace. which is fk-ed up. oh well.

its the week before term break already!

2008-09-16T09:40:00.001+08:00

i am so screwed.

sigh.

physics doesnt freaking make sense.

die.

oh and yizhe is making me fat. >.<

Time flies. suddenly its like our 24th month. why am i still questioning our r/s though? nevertheless, its been a whole lot of unforgettable times, even though we dont really spent that much time together. :) iheartu

exercise!

2008-09-03T22:25:00.003+08:00

suhui is feeling a sense of achievement.

DESPITE her short legs, arms AND body

she managed to touch the top rock of the rock climbing wall..

*applause please* :D

okay.. i know i'm supposed to somehow grab it and hang on to it. but my short-ness got in my way. not that i didn't try. and i really should have jumped, but well, when u're two storeys high in the air and kind of height phobic that will never ever be on your mind.

so end up i fell wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

lol.

my level 1 course is on saturday :D looking forward.

next tues is chalk day again yay.

if i ever take some pictures i'll let u see my nice butt :D

lol and i'm in aerobics too. so wrong la. and so not me. haha

procrastinating

2008-08-26T23:33:00.004+08:00

i am procrastinating to the max.

i've got a pile of things to clear and i haven done.

i got one qn more for my physics assignment and i am in no mood to do it.

i got a stack of readings to do but i kind of want my bed more.

and dont mention TUTORIALS to me.

and of course. there's always WSS at the back of my mind. sighhhh.

u know whats the worst part?
i'm not used to my bed.
and because i'm trying to get used to this bed, i'm not used to my home bed.
woke up cursing and swearing on sunday morning. damnit.
i need a full body massage. sigh

had "steamboat" with xiuling and a couple other random cluster mates just now.
i made salmon. yum. haha

anyway the girl staying next to me is a doctor. like wow..

the few things i'm extremely annoyed with

2008-08-18T22:53:00.001+08:00

myself for screwing up my timetable
nyp for not crediting my pay
my eyes for wanting to droop
labs for not being at decent timings. zzz
special awards committee for not publishing their name/contact/whatever on the RSVP ><
the radio for playing that annoying song
ida for not crediting my allowance. zzz
my BOTH bank accnts being broke.

i'm not in the best of all moods.

on the bright side though, i've got 2 brownies for breakfast :D

23 months? ... :)

5 things i have learnt so far

2008-08-12T12:28:00.003+08:00

check your email everyday. you never know what's going to be in it.
the e-learning portal is better than nyp's one. and you need to be super reliant on it because EVERYTHING from lecture notes to contacts to assignments to forums are all on it. so not used to that
brush up on reading skills. i've got about 50+ pages of readings so far. and it's barely day 3
there are a million exchange students in my residence. out of which the guys tend to be pretty hot and like to walk around topless. time to camp downstairs :)
strawberry mango juice from fass canteen is just about the nicest thing on earth. hmm.. at least, until i try strawberry soursop later when i pass by the canteen that is. wait for updates!

Day 3 and counting. havent made any friends in my LT yet. just so out of place coz everyone else seems to know each other and tend to cluster together and i generally like to sit in front which kinda makes it worst coz everyone else sits at the back. oh well

the lecturers so far are pretty good i must say - have attended 4 out of 5 modules so far. the next new one is tmr - kinda looking forward

procrastinating.

2008-07-26T22:03:00.003+08:00

okay. after a million years of getting both my very slow notebook and my equally slow desktop to work, i finally processed the cambodia pictures.

they are now in a very nice 1.83Gb big .wmv file and is a slideshow of 28 mins.
so if you have 30 mins of spare time and wanna see some pictures of rocks and food. let me know. lol.

things been pretty mild lately.
i'm aimlessly going to work everyday. and for some reason i CANNOT seem to wake up and i end up cabbing almost everyday. im trying to make some stupid lcd work. but evidently i'm supposed to use SPI so that i can program another microcontroller with a microprocessor such that the microcontroller can control the lcd. which, apparently is not very easy to do. oh well. i think i shall shelve that and do PWM instead. zzzs

school's starting soon, which basically means i have a million things to take care of that i have yet to. like getting finance to send IDA the invoice, and checking in into PGP and applying for my ez link card. i finally did clearance in all my jobs though, so pending my last day at NYP, i will be officially unemployed. which sucks. and it doesn't help that the lazy streak in me is forever around nowadays.

highlight of the week was yest - where we went to NYNY to eat to celebrate pam's birthday. oh btw the seafood platter was really. really. really good. seriously. the calamaris are fantastic, prawns are very fresh. fish was not soggy and the cold crab was seriously good. and i forgot to mention. there was smoked salmon in it! but even though they said it was for two, i think 3 can share it comfortably. or maybe two guys with really big appetites. oh and if you get a cake there, the staff can even go to your table to sing happy birthday! which is definitely a plus if you need to embarass somebody. lol. it was really fun. then we spent the rest of the night reminiscing about our old class. :D

calvyn told me something really interesting and funny. if you've really really dark skin. like almost black kinda dark. and you have dry hair. and you wear a black cap + black shirt + black pants +black shoes, some door sensors dont work! apparently its tried and tested by one of his really really dark friends. and he was literally dancing in front of the door and it didn't open. and then all he did was - flip palm up- and the door opened! lol. its so wrong la. the door sensor is color-ist.

kinda at this point in time in life where i'm not sure what is important anymore. i mean, i KNOW what is important. like studies and whatever. but im kinda questioning it.
dont know why. haiz.

whining

2008-07-15T01:20:00.002+08:00

its 1 am.

i'm hungry.

i'm sleepy.

i'm looking at two computer screens at once coz i got to sort out all my photos.

and i got work tomorrow.

and 500 pictures from my weekend trip to angkor, cambodia to sort through.

and i dunno why i'm wasting time blogging.

how smart of me.

anyway, silverlight rocks :)

the problem with paradoxes

2008-06-26T23:45:00.001+08:00

i'm back into the whole paradox theory.. stuff that is so simple and yet so complicated, explains everything and yet nothing.. like einstein's theory of relativity where a moving clock is slower that a stationary one when observed from a stationary point.

it's simply put, perception and yet its so against our conventional way of thinking..

argh. i'm killing braincells again. and its so stitch's fault.

sigh.

school's boring as usual. though i'm getting paid to be bored so that kind of is the silver lining in the thing.

so tired. i'm annoyed with my program again. going to camp in front of the computer tomorrow to solve the damn problem where i clear PORTA and its doesn't freaking clear. argh.

oh and did i tell you that i'm stuck with a PC that has NO internet and a roller ball mouse????

so tempted to smash it.. argh

tomorrow is supposed to be medical checkup day for NUS(like the 3rd checkup i'm having this year. i feel like i have some chronic disease or something) but due to some unforeseen circumstances of a certain time of the month i cant go. zzz. going to call them tomorrow.

it's surprising how things have a habit of turning out the way you didn't expect them to. its either that or i never learn from experience about guy friends.

he said he doesn't understand me. and its probably easier not to try to. he said that i stand out from the crowd - with the "what can you do to me" attitude i have. he said he doesn't know why he just appears whenever i call. and he said he doesn't know why he doesn't have to be someone else when he's with me.

what does that say?

too much and too little.

i think i need to keep my distance. but i always make the same mistake of not doing that.

a few important things to update/try

2008-06-15T17:03:00.001+08:00

figure out my new HP ipaq :) thanks to daddy
eat the jade snow whatever marketing gimmick name mc flurry thing.. i tried it once.. nice - if you like matcha powder (you know the green tea powder some of the jap restaurants use? not the lame tea bag)
harrass Rex for masala tea from nepal :) cousins are so useful lol
study :(

randoming again

2008-06-13T00:04:00.001+08:00

found this while facebooking :)

ITE trip today. why am i so high profile??

zzz

5 days and counting. i'm so going to die. haiz

the day is coming

2008-06-01T14:58:00.001+08:00

graduation - check.

annoying graduation speech - check.

scholarship - check.

scholarship info sending - check.

scholarship medical check up - pending

Salary - pending

resignation from SCH and Esplanade - pending

NUS/NTU application acceptance - check

Accommodation application - check

well, most of my things are done.

kind of just waiting for the day to come.

it's on June 18th. Not sure whether i'm looking forward to it.

kind of like everyone's expectations are on me just because of what i am. oh well. this is one of the bad thing about being a high-flyer.

really in need of a break. Jo is going bangkok next week. I'm so jealous - ha. what i would give to spend one week just shopping till i run out of money in bangkok. and the thai massages.
but then again.. hmm. at this rate i'm going i think i might just settle for a weekend at some nice hotel slacking my whole day through.

but well, its not something i can afford to do now. the qualifying round is soon so theoretically i'm supposed to build up my "fire" to it and not take a long break in the middle of nowhere.

IDA says i cant work part-time. which makes sense. but is really really sucky. i'd love to hang around in esplanade. wanna feel the vibe there. its just so refreshing. but oh well.. i mean, i could just go ahead, and nobody would know the better.. but well, i guess its always better to play safe.. skali somebody throw a dagger at my back.

grad was okay. i mean, its fun and vibe-y and all that. but i attended 2 sessions back to back so the only thing i felt was that i was damn freaking exhausted. doesnt help that the grad gown was so heavy, and the shoulder pads were so BIG. then there were all the hand shakings and photos and frozen smiles. and the messed up speech... okay.. it didn't go THAT badly but i screwed up a word just as i was ending my speech. trust silly me to do that. then my dumb little bro was "snatching" satay with the principal. so smart of him.

then that's me in the grad book.. i look. weird. hahaha.

bro took alot of messed up photos at grad. everything was blur. was so hilarious. spent the whole day laughing at him. haha okay i'm so mean.

was really busy recently.. there was a week-long wake and so i was there every night i think about 2 weeks ago. (sorry time is like of no consequence recently. everything just passes so fast.) Then there's work at nyp, which is so mentally draining, and work at SCH, where your karma just gets really low they just like to scream right in your face about whatever they are unhappy about. had one incident the other day during the young children's concert. quite funny when i think back, coz there are like 9 staff attending to this patron. like WHOA. haha.

got really random and started taking photos of random stuff

this is my current msn pic. hahaa

my little nephew.

snack corner @ lab. its restocked every week :)

the nails i did for graduation. or rather the graduation gave me a perfect reason to do my nails. haha

yizhe being random @ board room yest. hahaa

TO DO:

2008-05-10T14:07:00.002+08:00

sneeze
plan MIXoc
actually pay attention to the silverlight talk going on now.
study chapt 7 on opamp filters (maybe do a nice app on it to consolidate. i need to IT!)
zzzz
caffien-ate myself
prepare for grad speech. i cant pronounce th-s for nuts.
shop/do something to destress
find $$$
drink. surprisingly i havent touched alcohol for slightly more than a month or so
try to make my hair less of a mess now that its slightly curly
find my bed and hug it.
think of something to do with the pink octopus coz its ending up on the floor far too often. and that basically means its taking up too much space on my bed.
find a letterbox to throw a overdue letter in. IDA is so going to kill me
play guitar hero :D

pics from chalet

2008-05-04T22:26:00.003+08:00

suhui

luppy

more of suhui

joseph

Wilson (whom i'll be joining at NUS)

Desmond

Jeremy

Cabbage captain's ball

from yizhe :)

chalet

2008-05-04T19:49:00.002+08:00

back from chalet - MS retreat

created a huge scandal about myself. hahaha. and involved 2 innocent guys, namely luppy and joseph. lol damn wrong.

anyway i watched iron man TWICE.
2 days in a row to be exact.

once was with stitch - who made me wait for him for 2 freaking hours. AND made me watch the show at the very first row of the theatre.
second time was in the middle of the night with joseph, shahfiq, desmond and jeremy.

it has a very good plot. story was told very fluently - though the very last ending could have been a little better (kinda corny the way it ended)
but still... it's reallly really good. one of the best plots i have seen so far.

had a good talk last night with jo, cs, luppy and alvin about the next meeting.
think it would be really fun :P hopefully things start going up again

maybe this isn't working out.

big decisions

2008-04-29T22:46:00.002+08:00

as i just twittered - i made a big decision that set my life path for the next 6 years or so.

the past few weeks hasn't been fun at all - was running around places attending scholarship interviews all over the freaking place.

finally there's some result - so to speak.
was offered 3 scholarships, DSTA, LTA and IDA

wasn't too keen on DSTA, so it was mainly a fight between LTA and IDA.

trust me. choosing between a company where u know the work is suitable for your personality and a company where u see yourself there isn't the easiest decision.

damn. sometimes i just want to be given no choice. but on the other hand i think i will still complain. hahaha

so IDA it is. after a long afternoon of stoning and gossiping with Ms Lim. lol

quotes

2008-04-27T22:56:00.002+08:00

stole this off weiling's blog.
it says alot. too much.

2008-04-25T22:45:00.002+08:00

i could have just kept my mouth shut. i mean, what you dont know won't kill you right?
but it isn't right that i kept it shut as a secret.
neither do i want the burden of a secret, especially with you.

i dont blame you for thinking that way. really.
i've talked about mindsets a long time ago on this blog, and it's the same case again.
the pple arnd you are like that. what stops you from thinking that i wont be that?

you dont trust me. i know that.
whatever i say will not change that. or remove your doubts and fears.

and even though u keep saying that its my choice, i know that you're not comfortable with it.
is it so hard to say that out?

i dont feel good about this.
and there is a deja vu-y feeling that there will be a backlash.

i dont like this feeling at all.

we have been in and out of it.
i dont know whetherit has made us stronger, or more tired ot this r/s
i hope that there's really something there. and i hope that it lasts.

update to the previous update

2008-04-25T22:05:00.002+08:00

and i just rmbed.

tangs is gonna have a fair at NYP.

and guess what are some of the brands they are featuring?

triumph and sloggi.

right. like who would buy lingerie in a fair setting in the poly?

seriously.

annoyed

2008-04-25T20:00:00.003+08:00

it's one of the days where i feel like killing somebody. period.

just restless and annoyed i guess. argh.

today was spent trying to get that PCB board working. which obviously didnt work. and i still dont know what's wrong. argh.

probably i should go poke some enemies on my ds.

either that or go for retail therapy.

which btw, is burning a huge hole in my pocket.

i randomly bought a $75 bag.

and randomly went into a nail salon after my IDA interview

and randomly went to do my brows after my MS interview.

and randomly bought a new pink and white mouse. and i was so tempted to buy the MS presenter mouse. which isn't cheap. and that's how random i got.

zzz. i should really stop being random. argh

falling sick

2008-04-21T01:07:00.002+08:00

my head is pounding

my nose is blocked

my ears are ringing

and my eyes are tearing

great. and i still need to go school tmr to talk to corporate comms.

anyway.. i've got an offer from a company! let's see if more comes in..

hmm..

and my brother can seriously go knock the wall.

he left remnants of himself (so-to-speak) on my bed. and for some reason ants like it. and when i got home last night there was one patch of ants on my bed. ewww. had to change the damn sheet in the middle of the night. gross

sigh.. one more long week ahead. damn i'm like burning all my weekends.
also dunno why i chiong until like that. sigh

ramblings

2008-04-19T00:45:00.004+08:00

bored.
it's the end of the week.
time is flying and yet moving so slowly at the same time.
i feel cranky.
"it" is late. which is seriously bothering me even though i suspect stress which kind of makes me more stressed.
i miss casual clothing- have been in formal for 4 days straight.
need to study memory mapping. but no mood.
a town called eureka is very very very very very nice. finished watching both seasons. now i'm bored.
i want the DS version of guitar hero.
i gossip too much.
i miss working at esplanade.
i'm bored.
i'm hungry.
i havent had alcohol for SOO long.
i dont like when pple pressurise me to make decisions
i dont like when pple hint me
the chicken rice today @ south canteen wasn't the best.
i wanna eat thai chilli fish rice @ my work place
and ayam penyet at Marina square
i miss my bed
my pink octopus is cute
my brother is dumb and annoying
oh, and he just got 2 injections in school. ahahhaha
i'm thirsty
and bored. i mentioned that right?

Stuff's that been happening

2008-04-06T01:44:00.008+08:00

that's the ferrari i bought by the way. haha. it's now with ronnie. he's going crazy over it.

ANYWAY,

been real busy lately

stuffs that has been going on:

MSP recruitment

Scholarship stuffs

Worldskills Training

Ubin Cycling

MSP Recruitments

were okay. I mean, they could have been better, in terms of organisation, logistics and planning. And of course, the people who went to the interview itself. Quite funny really. And of course, i did stupid things like carrying suse the lizard all over L22, much to the amusement of all the potential candidates. I mean, random is good right? haha. But i was really really tired that day, to the extent that me and luppy spent 5 mins listening to the Macdonalds telecom without realising we have to press 1 to get to the delivery line. in fact, so tired that we didn't even get to play guitar hero! which is such a rarity nowadays.

Now that results are out, (we spent over an hour discussing - though there was much digression) i'm pretty much a happy girl. All the pple that i want in are in! like yay :) I still ahve one slot left though - hope that desmond will take the position. it would be great if he could!

luckily my pple's mini screw-ups werent that bad. whew

Scholarships

so i had the opportunity to go on site visits to some pretty interesting places. Not sure whether it's NDA though so i shall not mention names (and partly because i dont want my blog to appear on search hits) but just look at the picture and u'd pretty much have a rough idea of where i was.
Friday was a crazy day for me man.

Morning i had a assessment at D* and thereafter i rushed down to school to sort out some stuffs for lay sze. Then i went to above mentioned place.

D* assessment was insanely interesting. it was a situational test and i've never replied to so many emails in 2-3 hours in my freaking life. And each email was practically an essay. then they pull you out in the middle of nowhere to roleplay with this random guy who's supposed to be your colleague and is very difficult to handle. for some reason i think i didn't really do that well for that. There's also this presentation that you ahve 10 mins to prepare for, think THAT was okay (thank god for the training MSP has provided me. seriously)

the afternoon was supposed to be a psychometric test for another organisation, but luckily, because i took it before, i dont have to take it again. whew. thinking back, that was another insane test man. joined them later in the afternoon for a site visit. That was quite interesting, though for some reason, the parents who tagged along were asking all the questions (like seriously). It was quite an eye opener

this morning was at harborfront for another site visit with another company. visited the showflats near the area. Most memorable was the one that cost 10mil. It was really beautiful, and sea view is like woah! The master bedroom's toilet is big enough to slot a little bed in. really. went to the shipyards and rigs

that's a jack up

and a FF something. hahaa

very interesting, and challenging too. I mean, its a place i'd fall in love with, but for some reason, i'm having 2nd thoughts about whether i want to work in a shipyard kind of environment. But i guess it's always good to expose myself. we'll see.

hopefully i'm shortlisted for K and once more for D*. still waiting for PSC to call me though.

Worldskills Training

status: killing brain cells. enough said

Ubin Cycling

was supposed to go team bonding with MS @ ubin. response wasnt good however, by the time that week arrived, there were just 6 of us. on the day itself, luppy and alvin both couldn't wake up, so it was me chunsiong yizhe and weijie left. chunsiong brought a friend though, so it was 5 of us.

btw, we made a mistake of getting those bicycles designed for females. It is totally not suitable for off track cycling. Though the good part was that it had a basket for us to dump stuff and for chunsiong to dump his water in.

we cycled to the quarry, then to the beach, had coconut juice. i spent like 15 mins catching little crabs at the soft coral by the beach. they are sooooo cute. hahaha

some pictures taken. They were mostly random shots. hahaa

random photos in chronological order

2008-03-23T00:27:00.005+08:00

this was a random shot in SCH. one of the seats fell apart so we took a photo. that's lin jiang btw. haha

my current happy place - timbre @ substation. love the bands performing on friday and sat. friday's one is random. saturday's one is vibey. and the pizzas are absolutely fantastic.

meet suse - the chameleon thing from linux ( i think) its cute. and i coffee-fied it today :(
otherwise known as cindy in MS context.

eagles's camp just over. missed sir kelvin! was great feeling the vibe back again when watching the juniors have fun and shout at each other. but of course something dumb had to happen (and speaking of which, i'm seriously having a bad 1st quarter in 2008). hopefully they dont turn around and kill the innocent bystander. sigh.

above photo's stitch and mas btw. 2 of my favorite guys! love them and miss them. stitch especially.

this was another random shot coz i stole stitch's army glasses for fun. look damn nerd in them. hahahaha.

3 presidents together! best time to take a family photo. so that's grandmother, father and great grandfather right there, taken day before when dear yuhau came down to study and i manage to catch him. SEG Club rocks!

taken last night @ TCC. one of their new drinks which looks very nice. its basically vanilla icecream floating in expresso. yum

random shot taken at MS. he's korean and on a poster for the heroes happen here event. that's all i know about him. ahahhaha

Before:

15 mins later (same shot):

interesting shot @ MS of the thunderstorm cloud.

esplanade 2

2008-03-15T09:13:00.002+08:00

so this bunch of boys were pretty great too.

just got back home actually, was sleeping over at esplanade last night coz i wanted to be on call for them just in case one of them who was ill needed to see a doctor.

it's been really fun, made friends with ian and mark - ian wrote me a little note that i kept in my wallet, mark took lots of pictures with me. they are gonna send me everything. woohoo!

and i suppose that they are at this very moment on a flight out of singapore to their next destination. miss them already.

feel really bad though - have been chasing them around all of the 3 days. haha

hmm smell of their cologne now from hugging them. lol.

k i shall go catch zzzs. esplanade was too freaking cold. brrr

esplanade

2008-03-12T14:18:00.005+08:00

i know i havent been blogging. its not my fault. the last time i tried to i couldn't even get anything published. zzz.

anyway. ulcer at the side of my mouth. why? coz of donuts, coffee, chocs and all sorts of rubbish eaten during mosiac. and dont get me started on macdonald's strawberry milkshakes. i'm so addicted to them.

been working at esplanade for the past couple of days. its a fantastic place man, the friendliness of everyone, the natural tendency to go all out for others, whether or not they are your artists. it's just the vibe and its almost like a drug how good it does to your spirits after a couple of days. and of course i have been getting really great artists so far. the one i just sent off this morning, he's great and friendly and really really cool. been getting starbucks expressos for him and the tour manager and the other day i bought donuts for them on an impulse. lol. i love donuts.

met this interesting french guy the other day who took one look at me with 2 cups of double expressos in hand and asked me if i was getting them for raul. i was like ?? how did u know that? and he went "coz only an american guy would specially ask for starbucks expressos." lol that was a great observation.

anyway its a crazy week. yest i was concussed upon reaching home. (ask michelle) today had a early flight and a morning test and a presentation with gary later on. felt pretty great though, esp after the artistes hugged me goodbye and i sent them through the check-in area. tmr would be another 3 airport pick ups, the first one at 555am. whew.

and to end off, check this out:

random updates

2008-02-28T13:26:00.002+08:00

random updates made in 3rd person.

suhui misses her old laptop.
and she's saving up for a new one.

suhui likes the bartenders @ timbre. btw - their names, just in case close friend of hers forgets, are nirah, anson and shah + irene
suhui is also annoyed by them and their irritating magic tricks.

suhui passed the psychometric test too. probably only because of the visual reasoning part.
now she has got to go for a psychological test at 830 freaking am in the morning.
yizhe and joseph says that its to determine whether suhui is crazy.
suhui doesnt understand why they need 4 hours to do that. besides, suhui is not entirely sure whether she is sane in the very first place -laughs-

suhui is taking up 2 assignments for mosaic.

suhui is also cranky. as starfish and joseph can testify. lol.

and suhui is not in school today. yay

crappy crappy crap

2008-02-19T16:32:00.001+08:00

:(

lost my laptop.

enough said.

hai.

can some kind soul please please return it to the mrt control station?

it's a hp lappie with a red skin in a lime greent pouch.

i want my laptop back..

Working Experiences and Learning Points

2008-02-17T11:42:00.003+08:00

last week was a major learning experience for me.

was at the esplanade working.. Sound Seed Project

basically it involves alot of electronic music, lights, visuals and a very interesting use of space and projection materials such as plastic balloons.

pretty cool actually.

so yup, i was helping to set up, though it wasnt really part of my job scope, along with the EYs

spent the whole entire week planting seeds and blowing balloons.. my conclusion is that i really need to eat more carrots (i can't freaking see in the dark), and that i'm gonna have a nice butt now that its over ( imagine standing/squatting/ sitting cross-legged for hours on end. trust me, squatting down is the best way to stretch the butt muscles. they hurt like crazy now. :( )

kind of cool seeing this kind of project set up from scratch
plus, i got to land helicopter flowers on the audience's heads for all 3 shows! i'm so guilty of 高楼拋物 lol

learned lots of stuffs - including conversing better in chinese. haha

2nd learning point. never ever ever let somebody in the freaking SECURITY dept like you. trust me. i'm literally being spied on. i walk out to marina square from the satellite counter, and said guy in the green room actually knows about it.
oh and ya, he got my number because it's actually at the security counter for them to spam call me if i dont return the dressing room key.
plus he's been trying to give me chocs while i'm at work.

anyone wants to talk to me about invasion of privacy?

Mark suggested that i so tell him that i got together with a boyfriend and act insanely happy about it. i think i just might have to do that, especially if it continues on during Mosaic..
either that or i talk to him about professionalism - Minchu gave me that idea.

zzz why do all the weirdest people like me?

well otherwise working there is pretty fun - the people are nice and friendly (generally) and the crew at TS likes to disturb me. (i was asked to climb up to the ceiling yest to take down all the speakers). The security guards all know me - i like to think that's because i'm nice (:D) though it might just be another case.. got to know a few other ALOs.. watched the hunks at what is man? (the lead actor is .... omfg.. ) in fact i hung around at the theatre after their show for a full 15 mins to look at guys while talking to Belle. haha.. then i was so exasperated at kelvin yest coz he was complaining that he was tired coz he woke up at 6am to play soccer and rushed to work at 10 and stayed on for the party till midnight, and he was rushing home ..... to watch ManU vs Arsenal. MEN! for a moment i actually thought he wanted to go home and sleep. seriously.

looking forward to Mosaic. which reminds me, i want to buy the Mosaic tank from esplanade shop. haha

choices

2008-02-01T16:54:00.001+08:00

it's no fun when you dont have a choice.
neither is it fun when you DO have a choice, and many at that.

kinda sucks when everything is hanging onto each other in a freakingly horrifyingly tangled mess. gives you the feeling that when one drops, the rest will come crashing down as well.

it's like you're sitting in a kopitiam and drinking coffee and waiting for the world to go by while there's this fan spinning over your head which is in serious danger of crashing down SPLAT! on your head.

i think you get why it's not a very nice feeling.

submitted my nus app already. now i need to get the paperwork done and pay.
i dunno what to do for ntu. not every sure why i'm applying anyway. probably because i feel insecure just applying to nus.
gaaah. rubbish.

emo-ed yest. though somebody tried to cheer me up.
very tired of being strong for everyone - my dad, my mom, my bro and now even my aunt.
and its scary when everything is threatening to just crumble. and the thing is i'm just waiting for the bricks to fall, while everyone is expecting me to keep the ceiling up.
it's horrifying. not to mention overwhelming.

how do you support the ceiling when the foundation is gone?

等了又等

2008-01-27T02:44:00.000+08:00

went to orchard with weiling and han wei today to cny shop.
bought 1 top, 1 belt, 1 pair of earring and 1 necklace.
kinda think i'm shopping for new accessories more than clothes.
ha.
but it was fun.

met gary at topshop (:S) and chatted over some issues.
nice to hear that wu is doing something like finally.

work was kinda rubbishy.
got shouted at by a bunch of patrons coz there's the rule that admission is only allowed during the end of the the first piece i.e the rest who comes later than 8:07pm has to wait for intermission at approx 845-900. to the extent that there were vulgarities hurled.
then there was this family drama when this guy brought the wife and 4 kids and only 5 tickets. and moreover one of the kids was (obviously) below 6. shall not elaborate but anyway he was mean to all the girls, including our marketing staff. then he kept insisting on going in with the whole family. and after that because he missed an entry point, the wife threw a temper and stormed off and threw the program booklet on the floor. >.<
then florence shouted at pauline over the autograph session.

man. what a day.

be at esplanade on monday and tuesday.
sort of nervous.
hopefully things will turn out well.

等了又等..
几时才能等得到?
等了又等..
希望.. 真的能等得到..

等了又等
陈洁仪

但愿栽花可以忘掉伤感
季节变迁了始终不改我心
但愿你未在人生中消失
抹掉眼泪为你再等时日秒秒细致像尘
仍为你记录了在何年何月与日
曾是爱过便叫人兴奋
纵让折磨的心等了又等

爱着你挂念你渴望你前来和我接近
花也哭花亦笑似在说无望也不要紧
我愿意有日会一觉苏醒这梦会变真
你若有日回来重生多可爱
盼为我亲这心深深去吻

但愿花朵可以陪伴一生
季节变迁里细数天天变更
动物作伴未能开解痴心暗地里又为你再等

running

2008-01-20T12:27:00.000+08:00

all the essay writing is making me cranky.
i hate to inner reflect.
it makes me feel so useless.
and essay writing makes me feel really narcissist
wat with all the extra fluff i got to add in.

why does running away always seem to be the best solution?

miss u. haiz

2008-01-15T23:29:00.001+08:00

been so sleepy lately.
dunno why

nus scholarship talk on friday

psc submission now.
reminder to self:
fax in sec sch cca records
write "Statement of Purpose: What are some of the values and beliefs you hold strongly to? Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions. " essay.

dunno where to start. blah

blah blah blah

2008-01-14T10:16:00.001+08:00

learned a few things last night. lol

wasn't in a good mood when i went ot work- family matters

ended up dragging royston out (even though project assignment is due tmr for him. =x whoops) after work. wanted to drink , then changed to coffee and end up ronnie joined us and we had Mac at circular road.

so damn empty there lor. we had the whole of mac to ourselves so we were talking rubbish. and plotting misdeeds to overtake other companies for ushering. and exchanging pointers to "keng". lol. so evil.

anyway, ronnie taught us how to get fresh french fries (fries w/o salt please! and can i have a packet of salt for my coke? lol). and fresh burgers (can i have my bun grilled a little longer? and my fillet o fish w/o tartar sauce). and when to go shopping for IT stuff coz of the distribution and reseller patterns of clearing stock. and how he has 5 handphones and the telcos are subsidising all his bills. and the tatic to questioning regarding credit card waivers.
lol. conclusion, ronnie and huatchee are king when it comes to these "keng"ing stuff.

open house over the weekend. damn tiring considering there was no crowd and there was nothing to do besides standing around and looking pretty.
kinda concerned over the club matters though. but i dont wanna step in until i absolutely have to.

went for the esplanade interview on thurs. damn fast - it finished in like 5 to 10 mins. (probably coz i was the last one. lol) they will inform me regarding the results this week. dunno whether getting it will be a good thing. after all i didnt inform them about the possibility that i will be temp-ing with nyp. oh well.

had sushi after that with somebody whom i havent seen in a while. we talked quite a bit. glad to hear she's doing fine, though not sure how long more that will last.

damn drained emotionally. though dinner last night cheered me up considerably. oh well. guess i will be okay. i think

life sucks

2008-01-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

back from 3 day trip to genting

used the time to get some alone time

so now i'm recharged and at full gear - though not by choice. haha

kinda sucks when u switch off for a couple days and come back and everything's not going well.

sucks even more when u know u sacrificed so much for something and end up there is a high possibility that u can't enter just because of the screwed up window period. and its really annoying knowing how little u can do about it and just have to sit there and wait for the fate to be decided.
and the stupid scholarship issue coz i really dont know what the freaking hell i want though i know that i really need it. or rather that's what my father thinks
and that leads me to the uni issue.
and then there's the IES competition and i need to get the powerpoint out for the internal presentation.
and open house is so unproductive.
and i keep getting the feeling that i'm trying to have my cake AND eat it. like the contract staff thing. and the esplanade thing. and the usher thing. and the microsoft thing. and the starfish thing.
i think i have too many things.

and i'm ranting too much.
i hate it when my mind's in such a whirl.

fk. life sucks.
and i hate it when i cant control how much my life sucks.

zzZZzzZzZzzzZ

2007-12-27T16:49:00.000+08:00

okay... i know i'm not supposed to blog during school hours.

BUT. i am so sleepy. and its nearing end of the day.

so here i am.

anyway, just to update on a couple of things.

MOS was kinda boring. though baofa and chunsiong both won good stuff. and there was free alcohol. and yizhe was kinda funny in that suit. and i managed to see my fav stitch at chinaone :)
must have been kind of early when the event ended and thus the dance floor was empty. got bored after a while so we left for coffee at starbucks

and you know that there is something really wrong with society when you get harassed by 4 five/six year old boys at work and their conclusion after annoying you for 15 mins over everything from rules that say audience is not allowed in the hall after the event , religion and my job, is that you're not a christian coz your name is Tan Su Hui (as they read from my name tag) and therefore you're bad.
i am so rendered speechless.

though i dont mind being known as the ruler of all evil. haha

and yesterday at the usher training session, i was analysing the dinosaur age rule book

some of the rules on the first page of the first section
1. Ushers should not gamble or smoke while on duty
2. No gathering is allowed
3. Ushers should not make unnecessary phone calls while on duty
4. Ushers should not eat on duty
5. Ushers should remain alert at all times

and blah blah.

i broke like 80% of them. i should so be sacked. hahaha

and i finished playing the whole of chocobos! yay.

okay. i ran out of things to say. lol. i am so cranky now.

i am determined
and i have got no idea what i'm trying to prove.
and yet i dont want it to end at all.
u have no idea how much i wanna put down everything for u when u say stuff like that
but i dont want to fall anymore

and really. all i'm doing at this point of time, is agreeing with what you told me previously.

MSP christmas

2007-12-18T00:29:00.000+08:00

Christmas Party is over!

suhui is relieved :)

could have done better on being an emcee though, but well, i'm not really that joker a person to emcee well :(

pictures!

this is me doing last min preparation

me picking up my christmas gift. ( all the presents were sponsored by a variety of pple, from stanley to chewy to daniel to joe wilson to "steve" and "bill" and even DARSIM!)

yizhe looking for my present. which is so big they can't find it

My "big" christmas present, sponsered by nick

luppy says to email him to say thanks

my dinner table

group photo!

and my most fav photo of the night!
joe wilson, senior director, and our MSP cup!
thanks luppy for taking this for me

it's been fun.

another round on Weds at MOS :)

pple

2007-12-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

this is the reason why i'm getting fat.

seriously dunno what's wrong with them lor.

one, refuses to give up. i mean, it's been more than a year. you should have gotten the point by now that things are DIFFERENT now. and just because i respond to your msges regarding school and stuff doesn't mean that we're still friends. and it definitely doesn't mean that i'm going to change my mind about telling you what went wrong the last time. at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether i tell u why i have been ignoring you for so long. you have your life and your gf. i have mine. whether you know or not, doesn't change a thing. so seriously, stop bothering me and spend the time u use to think about this over and gone issue on your gf and your studies. sheesh.

the other, hai. i dont even know where to start. we have been through so much, parted so many times. and now, even though we're back together, i'm waaay beyond caring so much about what you do. which is kinda sad. but really. i dont know what i'm doing, and how i feel when it comes to trying to make us work anymore. and everything you say, doesn't make me feel any better. it's like, they are gorgeous and pretty and whatever. and me? i'm just me. i guess at the end of the day, i'm always the inferior one.

things have been so crappy. hai

sucks

2007-12-05T11:30:00.000+08:00

its always at a wrong timing.

though i must say i was mentally prepared since that night. though it doesn't help that there's so many things i need to settle at the same time.

keep getting flashbacks of what happened. even in my sleep. which is really disturbing. it's my fault, u know it, and i know it. what u say, that u dont blame me and stuff like that, doesn't really matter.

and the main reason why i'm letting go, is not because of the lifestyle issue, but because i know it will never be the same again
i don't wanna say anything else regarding u anymore.

this time it's different.
it hurts me to say this and i'm not even sure whether u will be reading this and probably at the back of my head i'm thinking the exact opposite of what i'm going to say but i hope u wont talk to me for the time being.
coz when this kinda thing happens whatever u say usually gets me a) even more upset or b)all flared up. and i can't do this when u talk to me. actually it's more like i stop functioning totally, like what happened during the meeting at MS.

time is moving exceptionally slow today. doesn't help that i forgot to bring my ds out so i spent the whole journey listening to music, trying to persuade my head to stop throbbing coz i really didn't have a good sleep, and feeling crappy whenever it gets to the lovey-dovey songs, which i skip once the first verse ends. think time is having fun kicking my ass today. haiz. just want this to be over asap.

"Time flies.
Time waits for no man.
Time heals all wounds.
All any of us wants is more time.
Time to stand up.
Time to grow up.
Time to let go.
Time."

update

2007-11-29T13:01:00.001+08:00

the maggots were still alive even after one night.

spent the whole morning clearing it with my aunt.

now the maggots are probably still alive, but somewhere in the sewers i guessed.
we flushed them down the toilet bowl.

bleagh

today is not a good day.

2007-11-28T22:55:00.000+08:00

the only good thing about today

my salmon+ham+mushrooms+cheese+raisin+olives+lettuce sandwich

i'm amazed by maggots, really

and totally turned off by them too.

to get everyone up to speed,

i basically have 2 fish tanks outside, out of which only the top one has water and fish inside.
the bottom one was drained by my dad.

and my smart dad forgot that there was this huge suckerfish inside.

and obviously, the suckerfish drowned in air.

oh and by the way my parents left singapore on saturday to china.

noticed the faint smell for a couple of days, but didn't think much of it. kinda thought one of dad's guppies jumped out and died though i looked around and didn't see anything.
until my neighbour told me there was a dead fish in the tank.

which so happened to be teeming with tiny little white squirmy maggots. which immediately got me really squirmish.
:S

had no choice but to use a plastic bag to get it out of the tank and dumped it into the rubbish chute without even taking a second look at it.

so problem #1 solved. now for problem #2.
maggots in the tank.
and i didn't really know what to do with it.

smsed dad who told me to spray insecticide and dump dettol in. and leave it there till he comes back to clear it.

asked my aunt to come up in the evening to help me with it because i have got no idea where the dettol is in the house.

and basically i found out something. insecticide does NOT work on maggots. they just seem to squirm faster around while probably laughing at me choking on the fumes. dettol doesn't really work too. we poured like half a bottle. and the maggots were STILL squirming.
so fine. we poured in water to try and drown the maggots. which kind of made it worse because the BIG ones floated up and crawled on the wood thingy that pple put in fish tanks. which is totally disgusting by the way. so we poured more water in. and chatted for like an hour or so.

AND last we checked, the maggots were still squirming about. esp the big ones.

totally killed my appetite.

waiting till tmr for them to drown. hopefully they do :X

argh i'm so traumatised by maggots

don't understand why they are so afraid.
maybe it's coz i'm not afraid of speaking my mind.
but i guess i can safely say that when i say something, i never intentionally want to hurt anybody.
i'm just trying to get things right,
after all, i pay the fees. why should i accept substandard material?
ya i guess it's always a matter of grey area, and maybe it will affect someone's rice bowl too.
but someone's rice bowl WILL always be on the line anyway.
it's how the corporate world works. competition = efficiency and productivity.
i guess alot dont understand that.
and maybe i don't understand too.
else why will i be bothered that they close to me are warned by others that they shouldn't be close to me?
and it annoys me that i'm bothered by something i shouldn't be bothered with. >.<

food

2007-11-27T16:58:00.000+08:00

i declare that i am very irritated.

this is my off-week. mdm tan gave me a whole week off to get some air. and i was supposed to not do any electronics related things so i will go back refreshed. or something to that effect.

so i got kinda bored lying on my bed and playing my ds the whole day. so i decided to bake.

muffins to be exact.

tried it once yest.

left out baking soda thinking that 2 g of baking soda wouldn't make much of a difference since there's baking powder already.

muffin turned out so dense. would make a good rock to throw without hurting someone TOO badly.

tried it again today. went out SPECIALLY just to get the baking soda.

and here's the results

it turned out okay. pretty normal muffins.

which makes me so irritated coz it was supposed to be mango-y and there was barely a hint of mango even after like adding a blend of 1.5 small mangoes AND mango flavoring.
and something feels missing. even though i followed the recipe ~~exactly~~ somewhat. ( it was supposed to be banana muffins but the bananas at ntuc look waaay too green so ya mango it is). probably i should try using the huge australian mangos instead of the small little malaysian ones. and maybe add a bit of coconut extract.
hmmm.

okay i should stop thinking about this.
2 days of non-stop muffins are kind of over the top already. 3 will get a little crazy.
and not to mention fattening since there's no one to eat my muffins.

went grocery shopping coz my parents left me at home with barely anything that is really food. (and by food i do not mean processed crap like sunshine frozen pizza) realised that grocery shopping is very expensive. spent about 50 bucks in total these 2 days. and i didn't get much. if i ate bread and bread only everyday. i could probably last only for another 2 days.
kinda crazy over sandwiches recently. made a really good ham+cheese+olives+lettuce sandwich today. thinking of making a ham+salmon+mushroom sandwich tmr morning for breakfast. yum.

sick

2007-11-19T13:08:00.000+08:00

sick again. :(

went to work on saturday - university of newcastle graduation. and there was reception, which the ushers took.

AND we all got diarhoea. so not fun.
mine turned into fever too so now i'm 1/2 hot 1/2 cold, have a pounding headache, and have crappy crap. zzz. not the best combination

took the day off so now i'm at home. and trying to die.
shall resume my attempt to decompose now. adios

Mr Chan : " Experience can lead to stereotyping"

2007-11-15T00:41:00.001+08:00

lots of funny and lame rubbish at dialogue session today.
weird part was Mr Chan treated me like a staff. which is so so so wrong.
attempted to write minutes just now - got past writing the introduction ( which i added quite a bit of long winded crap in) and writing the summarised main points and rearranged the main points so that academia is all togehter, and facilities are all together and etc. then i got bored so now i'm blogging. hahhaha

went home today to find my brother and my dad sleeping at liek 10pm. that's really early for both of them. asked my mom about it and she told me it was because my dad was really mad at my brother coz of his results and i suppose he got scolded really badly. brother really doesn't have the mood to study. he's too distracted and his attention span is crap. anyways he only got a band 2 for english, and the rest were all band 3s. guess being 38/40 students in class made it even worse :S

yay i got to the final chapter of that operation game on my DS! it's really nerve wrecking coz u gotta make sure the damn thing doesn't spread and keep your patient freaking alive while all sorts of rubbish starts appearing on the patient. hope i finish it soon. so annoyed with it ><

taking one week off after weiling and debbie and the rest go off for attachment. need a rest and more sleep.

and speaking of sleep. i should go zzz like now. hahaha byez!

work and wishlist

2007-11-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

fulfilled one of my wish list.

will show u guys my nice red nds lite someday.
though i'm like super broke now

kinda cranky now. made it through work + school on 3 hrs of sleep. back sore and cant really breathe properly. still coughing too.
damn my body.

today was syf briefing cum balloting
aka damn that school who got that slot i wanted day.
heated emotions and cranky pple all over the place, esp those who really really really wanted the march slots but were like oen fo the last to be called.
and shhhh let me tell u all a secret. we ushers were conspiring to rob SCH today. wahahahah.

haiz long week ahead.
dialogue session on weds.
so not looking forward. damn tired of all these man.

good day

2007-11-09T01:04:00.000+08:00

today's a good day :)

was pleasantly surprised with a call from guy. really didn't expect it. haha. anyway we wanted to have coffee but everywhere was crowded so we went over to the fish farm and bought a box fish for his aquarium

cute right? wanted him to buy a starfish but too bad his tank isn't very suited for it. oh well.

drove around pasir ris park for a while after that before he dropped me off and went home to sleep.

wanted to buy the $23 sweater from Fox in hot pink (not the pastel pink shown below) but they were out of stock. sales girl supposed to check for me if can be transfered over from somewhere else. hope there's still stock

work was pretty uneventful. spent the whole day chatting with pauline and gossiping about musicians and stuff. hahaha

octopus is on my bed now. wheee :)

over the weekend

2007-11-06T14:00:00.000+08:00

WARNING: this is gonna be a long post.

first of all, it's been a while since i updated, partly due to project elevate and my sudden (and i mean sudden, like in one afternoon.) bout of sickness over the weekend. still kinda cranky coz my cough AND headache wont go away. which is so annoying.

now, to summarise last week.

birthday was cool, in fact the best since a long long time. many thanks to those who have made it special, and took the time to spend the day (and night) with me. and thanks so much for the birthday presents as well. i must say it's been really pink this year -

perfume from weiling, debbie, kaster, nigel, matthew, quek, ray, bernard, kenneth, joy, ziyou, hanwei (i hope i din miss out anyone)

and mr pink octopus.

got sick on friday with a very very fast acting sore throat. was talking in the morning and i lost my voice by 3pm. mr tham was happily saying that my voice was becoming more and more sexy. -.- seriously, try being in my shoes.

went over to debbie's chalet for a while and looked longingly at the cake i can't eat. then went home to zzz.

woke up on sat with a fever. which was bad coz it was project elevate night and there were things i have yet to do. ended up lying on my bed till like 3 and forced myself up and went for the event anyway. thank goodness paracetemol works, else i would have concussed somewhere around 5 plus.

project elevate went really well, though there were hiccups here and there as expected. it was like, the moment dinner started, everything just fell in place. think the guests really really enjoyed the evening, though it was kinda draggy at some points. funnest part was the guestbook, coz we switched to powerpoint's pen function instead of the usual clicker in the slide show and got the guests to sign on a tablet instead of a usual guest book. and we had people asking whether we wrote the app by ourself :p even chewy was like hmmm.. i dunno. turbo c?

so ya shall upload the pictures of the gifts soon, but here's a photo of my table:

clockwise : yizhe, me, cindy, russell, joseph and chunsiong

spent the whole of sunday asleep or at least, trying to fall asleep when your brother is demonstrating the effects of gravity to you.

yest was spent constructing the 3 555 timer circuit and designing the value of the resistors. happy coz i managed to do it despite being half groggy.

still trying to recover from the sickness though. hope my head will stop being heavy soon. ><

inter cca politics

2007-11-01T00:53:00.000+08:00

suhui has no more pie.. :(

things have been going slow lately. is it just me?

life makes you choose all the time. decide what you want, decide what is good for you, and if having these two concurrently is not possible, weigh between the both of them.
i've been thinking lately, what if, you choose to have what you want, but lost the motivation to make the effort into continuing on? what happens then?

kinda sick and tired. woke up this morning and my head and eyes were telling me that i spent the last 30 hours awake and my headache was going to kill me soon. didn't exactly put me into a good mood. didn't help that it was raining cats and dogs in the morning and i got stuck in 3 traffic jams (one on TPE, one on SLE, one on Lentor Ave) spent the whole day in lab facebook-ing instead.
tmr i have an assignment set by mr chua and mdm tan who came in for a moment today, so i'll have something to entertain myself with, provided i get a good sleep.

bought 11 bucks worth of interesting chocolate pocky the other day. sin ar!

jy told me today that wl wasn't too happy with her because of her involvement in seg. I wasn't too happy upon hearing that. i mean, i knew that wl confirm grumble, coz after all jy was one of the active members at co and she was an office holder and wl didn't want what happened to me to happen again. what i didn't expect was that wl would all out bu shuang jy, to the extent that quite a few people know about it. like hello? it's her life. she should be the one deciding what to do with it. just because she's in co now, doesn't mean that its a life long contract that binds her there for the rest of eternity or something. fact that she called me out to talk to me the other day says alot - that she probably thinks i have some part to do in this which is why jy is sort of trying to follow in my footsteps. in any case, i told jy to ignore her, after all, she wont ask jy to quit co and she has no right to ask jy to leave seg as well. ask jy to tell me if anything's happening anyway, so hope everything goes fine.

project elevate is so unsettled.
things really dont seem to be going right. kinda concerned. haiz.

shall go hug my bed now. nites everyone

2007-10-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

sony ericsson centre replaced my motherboard again.
hopefully it works well.

spent the whole day at MIC.
everyone was in a bad mood today, what with the whole saga in the morning where we're not being able to go into office, to the short meeting that didn't seem to achieve much, to the filming which i shall not comment too much..
things really dont seem to be going too well recently.

and now i'm not really in a good mood too.

listening to tryad now.
it's a free download album - industrial pop
good night music when you dont feel like sleeping

my mind is in a whirl and i dont know why. my body has been sending me signals that something's really wrong too, what with the backache and now the heavy breathing. i keep dreaming about running, from something. am i stressed? i think i am, though not sure what about. how do you treat something when you dont know the root of the problem?

thoughts

2007-10-25T01:16:00.000+08:00

facebook is seriously addictive.
enough said.

anyways, i finished my bluetooth module!!
yay :) sends whatever rubbish properly now and at the correct timing.
shall switch off till next week when mr chua and mdm tan shall start training.

i see nic disappearing for school meetings very often lately.. oh well.

found myself removed off a blog link.
seriously i'm not surprised, considering it's like a chain reaction from whatever first triggered it. which, till this point of time, i'm not sure what i did. coz for the most part, it seems to be a matter of difference in perception. and i'm not given a chance to explain or say anything. all i'm doing is watching you systematically cut me off from your life.
it's always the case isn't it? something goes wrong, and you keep it in yourself till you explode.
has it ever occurred to you that it might be so much easier if we just thrashed out whatever problems that crop out as soon as it occurs? that way, there wouldn't be a need to second-guess whatever you are thinking. you've probably realised by now that what Mr X perceives as a problem may not be what Mr Y perceives as a problem too. and its not fair that one is cut off from another's life just because of 2 different views of the same issue.

event coming up on 3rd nov :)
looking fwd!

i really hope things go well this time round.
i sound like a hallmark card saying this but,
you're all i want.
and that's not gonna change.
nobody has ever made me feel this way before.
and i'm glad you're the one.

don't ever ever ever let go of me.
i♥u

resignations.

2007-10-21T03:24:00.000+08:00

there are 10 pairs of commando shorts beside my bed now.
or more specifically 9 beside my bed and 1 on my butt. lols
pretty comfy.

cindy's resigning.
kinda sad.. after all she's quite nice.
oh wells.

went with her to cartel and to drink at harry's after work.
talked quite a bit.
dunno when will see her again. though she says she will meet us next week for dinner or smth. oh wells.

a vision of students today

2007-10-18T16:08:00.000+08:00

found this in my mailbox this morning from stanley.
it's really good.

liked the part where the students showed all the problems in our world today and said that though "these are not problems that I created, they are MY problems"
i think it's really food for thought and strikes a chord in all students today.

just to share :)

sleepyhead

2007-10-18T09:51:00.000+08:00

trying to listen to a talk @ microsoft now.
sleepy though so i decided to blog before it's breakfast time.

talk's really technical. don't really understand half of what's going on.
it's cool though, with silverlight, ajax, expression and stuff.
but still, i'm very tempted to fall asleep.

luppy calibrated my screen for me! yay - no more dead zones :)

gonna be busy later - after the talk i havve a meeting with luppy for project elevate, then i have dinner plans with stan yizhe chunsiong cindy joseph and agnes, for project elevate too.
tmr's back to school and to my bluetooth module.
it's sending out stuff really really fast. which doesn't make sense :(
hope i can finish this week.

i hope break comes soon. you know you're really tired when u're blogging and you're nodding off at the same time.

2007-10-18T01:09:00.000+08:00

i'm really tired of this.
it's getting nowhere.
and it wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't that i feel that it's just me feeling this way.
or maybe u just dont wanna say.
but i'm confused and my mind's in a whirl.
and it's obvious u want an answer out of me,
but i have none.

maybe it's better if there's a break,
coz everytime u talk to me, rationality goes out of the window.
and i know nothing is or will be solved.
kind of sucks when i dont even have the basic faith that everything will be okay.

trying to bury myself with the mundane things happening around me..
courses, coding, food, events
running away i suppose, at the back of my head.
it's what i do best, and it's one of the few things i know.

exhausted now - from courses, parents, cluttered mind and running away..
and you.
you, and all the possibilities of something and potential points of failure and everything else associated with it, are the most exhausting of all.

it's so nice to be happy

2007-10-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

lying on my bed now waiting for my hair to dry

happy now :)
my walking stick module works! ahahaha
besides the fact that it's sending pseudo-nonsense to my computer.
managed to get the bluetooth to work properly(finally!)
pretty productive for a friday i guess, though didn't do much except copy the codes from what i coded 2 days ago and was not working line by line and a little help from mr tham who sat there and reminded me to set this pin and clear that pin so taht everything works properly

as of now, i only have to rewire a pin and add a switch thingy
told lay sze the other day that i won't be able to finish by this week. which really happened! hahaha. but i didn't expect myself to finish so fast too. oh well underpromise overdeliver. lols.

went off to bugis after school to try and get myself 70 bucks richer. worked :) basically its a survey thingy that i have to call in like everytime they sms me to answer a series of questions. ~~i see my phone bill reaching crappy amounts~~ pretty good money. companion didn't want to entertain me though. i must be getting really nonsensical. (right? haha)

which reminds me that i'm 170 bucks richer in total for this month. earned a hundred yesterday doing an interview on pads with weitin (thanks girl btw). went out with her afterwards for jap food. which was really nice. oh and i saw chickens that dont look like chickens at the patch of long grass near mcys. hahaha

met qihe later at night. who insists he's vegetarian but he was eating veg rice with fish cake and ikan bilis and curry (chicken) all over the rice -.- seriously lor. his doctor's orders though so his mom has been nagging at him all day and he just went along with it to make his life easier. haha. passed him his cd and accompanied him for dinner and blabber nonsense for the whole time. lols.

gonna sleep soon. work early morning tomorrow. church event which means i'm gonna end up babysitting kids again. yawnx

grey areas

2007-10-09T13:24:00.000+08:00

perception is the way we look at things, interpret the information around us in our environment. It's directly linked to mindset - if a wife's mindset is that her husband is cheating on her, then whatever information she processes will be perceived as that her husband is cheating on her. It's that simple a concept. but it sure as hell complicates everything - coz it makes everything not black and white, but a sea of grey. the thief will always be a thief in the eyes of the law, but if a thief steals food to feed her own children, does it necessarily mean it's wrong?
things dont usually appear the way it is. one has to be self-concious and not afraid to see the inner truths within. denial - is where most of us are at any point of time. denial that we're in the wrong, denial that we are the ones who set off the chain of reactions that follow. we're all wrong at some point of time, that's for sure. and as a result, we may end up hurting the people we love, and mostly, ourselves. no man is an island afterall. and nothing is as complicated as life.

i think i run away too much.

dreamer

2007-10-07T23:47:00.000+08:00

dreams get shattered. alot.
and you would think that we would learn it the hard way and stop dreaming at all.
but if we're human, we'll still dream.
again and again and again.

it never stops

when crappy me meets the dumb microp

2007-10-04T11:50:00.000+08:00

feeling really crappy.
and i've got the sudden urge to eat suki sushi.
which is not good coz
a) i'm not supposed to go out as i'm at 9-6 fyp everyday
b) i'm broke
c) everything else seems to be tasteless nowadays.

trying to get my stupid microp to work now.
yesterday morning it kept jumping back to the interrupt at the end of the interrupt -.-
solved that after lunch when i realised i had to clear some interrupt register.
and in the afternoon, my input pin was giving me a floating point of 1.7V when it's supposed to give me a ground. =.=
solved that this morning when i replaced the 10K resistor with a 1K resistor. though i don't think i'm supposed to do that.
now. i realised my portA interrupt-on-change is totally screwed coz it is NOT interrupting.
which is so not good coz i don't know why. >.<

brother has a love affair with harry potter book 7. he's like bringing it everywhere. i'm not surprised if he sleeps with it. well at least he's not annoying me. his exams are coming so my mom's making him study every night.

back's a little better. mostly coz i'm sitting on a cushion seat with a really really protruding lower back portion which helps support it, and coz the only thing i've been doing recently once i reach home is lie on my tummy. still hurts every now and then though.

~~going out for lunch soon.~~ now it's back to brain cracking over the non-interrupting interrupt which is so annoying me.

Don't wanna second guess
This is the bottom line
It's true
I gave my all for you
Now my heart's in two
And I can't find the other half
It's like I'm walking on broken glass
Better believe I bled
It's a call I'll never get

boat quay

2007-09-30T10:51:00.000+08:00

was at work on friday night. some SCO concert (pre-tour) that was pretty last minute and which they played like crap. like seriously? they killed celestial web. and that was one of my all time favourite pieces. still rmbed the time i first heard it in esplanade with the choir backing. man. talk about inspirational.

after that mic and chris and i went over to boat quay for some coffee. mic wanted to drink but i suddenly rmbed i took my pills and ya, we ended up in TCC (circular rd) instead. did i mention they changed the menu? now everything's like a) more expensive b) they removed some stuff from the menu - and one of them happens to be my all-time favourite drink. grrrrrr. i want my yuan yang!!

sat by the riverside after tcc chased us out at 1230 or so. pic above is the view of fullerton at about 1am in the morning. oh did you know that the lights illuminating fullerton is switched off at 2am? something new i learned.

we helped this poor guy taking surveys about the pathetic non-existent nightlife in sg. he earns like 6 bucks per survey from sg tourism board and apparently not a lot of pple wanted to entertain him. so ya, we did 2 surveys to keep him nice and happy. questions were kind of dumb though. i mean, what's the hype about midnight shopping at orchard?? the so-called sales are not even anywhere near fantastic.

there was a couple sitting beside us as well. happily smooching and in love and whatever. it was quite funny because somewhere a little past 2am he came over to us and said "i lost a bet. can you all give me a number? a fake number or smth?" which totally stunned me and mic. i gave him mine anyway. so he happily went back to his gf and showed it to her. and she called me. hahaha. he was really panicking at that point coz he thought i gave him a totally random number off the top of my head. lols.

exhausted

2007-09-28T13:54:00.000+08:00

went to my GP yest coz the stupid ache seemed to be getting worse.
he did some weird positioning with my legs and what not and concluded that it wasn't any spinal problems, slipped disc or smth. just muscles. so ya, at least he set my fears to rest instead of the polyclinic doctor who just prescribed me medicine after i described my problem. -.-

met gary lim yesterday for 45 mins or so at the canteen to chat about stuffs and all that. he stunned me with a question about WSW. lol. well at least i'm not the only person who thinks that WSW is a very complicated person. ya and we were talking about lots of stuffs, politics and all that. guess we are both very disillusioned by the pretty picture half the world attempts to paint about life.

ya and now i'm in the lab waiting for 3 things to happen.
1) practical test to start once lay sze comes in and concludes her long long stories about facts-of-life.
2) my right eye to start developing rashes coz i just gluped down 2 tablets of paracetemol+orphenadrine citrate which is in english, a combination of painkillers and muscle relaxant. no idea why my eye likes to develop rashes though. probably is an allergy but there doesn't seem to be any similar thing that kicks off this effect. the last time this eye swelling thing happened was when i had diarrheoa medicine. and before that it was fever medicine or smth like that. oh whatever.
3) my direction of life to land on me. which isn't happening any time soon though. haiz. so so lost.

feel so exhausted and lethargic lately. dunno what's wrong. blood pressure's fine according to doc yesterday, so i supposed it's a mental state of mind rather than anything else.

backache

2007-09-26T21:59:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep facing up.
lower back hurts when i do. >< which is really bad.
today it started hurting when i'm standing up. felt like a pregnant lady walking around with a backache. craps.

went to see a doctor at the polyclinic today.
she said its mostly likely due to strain and gave me paracetemol and a muscle rub for it.
seriously lor i paid 11.50 for somebody to tell me that + medicine.

aspiring doctor tan weiling says she charge cheaper. next time go to her if you got problem ya?
haah

was at SMU yesterday for a microsoft powerpoint talk by joseph's team. talk was pretty cool - could really hear the buzz of mini-conversations everytime something that increases productivity was taught.

went to magic wok for thai food (free of course) and listened to them talk about the upcoming elections and all the blunders some of them made, like pasting one's poster outside the guy's toilet only and not the girl's one. and about tissue papers. hahaha

falling

2007-09-25T09:32:00.000+08:00

you know what's the bright side about falling?
it gives your friends a chance to catch you and bring you up again.

thanks pple - my 2 babes, bf who's in army but still called me the other night to catch up, the other msps who have tried to cheer me up and talk to me and have fun and bring beer, stratix, and whoever else i missed out :)

alert!

2007-09-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

spent the whole afternoon just trying to get the stupid MPLAB to stop generating errors. like seriously lor. i have yet to even start programming and its giving me errors upon build. after google-ing it, realised there was an error in the default template -.- and there goes my entire saturday afternoon. so not fun.

cute guy alert for these 2 days.
was out having sushi with kaster and weiling yest and there was this guy alone sitting opposite KASTER. and the only reason why (kaster please read this) is coz the waitress made him sit there. otherwise he would have been sitting opposite me or beside me liao. so kaster u dont try and play punk and steal my cute guy. he's MINE! haha.
swimming trip today ended up as a floating trip, coz there were swimming classes going on left right front. and wherever you were, you were in danger of getting hit by ssome random kid who can't keep his arms and legs and pajamas and goggles to himself. so me and my cousin parked at the side of the pool to watch the controlled chaos happening around us. but ya. main point is got HUNK keep swimming PAST US!!! then he was swimming with his head out of the water. which was so good coz we had all the opportunity to look at ~~him~~ ahem, the scenery. hahaha.

i'm supposed to be getting over you. but fact is i'm not. so not.
suddenly realised that i'm not in control of myself anymore. not my feelings, not my thoughts, not my actions. i even let you kiss me. and to think that i used to be able to do that. to shut away all the pain and assert complete control of myself and my feelings and my plans and everything else.
now, i'm just lost. i don't know what to do, and i dont know where to turn to. would this have happened if i haven't met you? or will it have happened anyway? you made everything crash land on me, when things seem to be fine. when i believed that there was something there.
i'm angry. you know that, just by judging the amount of tantrums i have been throwing, the number of outbursts i have flared. and i know its a difficult time for you too, what with the politics and stuff going on among your colleagues, and me giving you a hard time whichever way you turn. but i have every right to be angry, just because you made me choose. and it was a ridiculous choice in the very first place.
maybe its better for both of us. that's what i keep telling myself. no more compromises, no more restrictions. that sounds good. right? but then again, if it's supposed to be, then why do i feel this ache within me all the time?

how do you get over someone when the fact is you never wished to leave him in the very first place? enlighten me, someone, please.

lessons

2007-09-19T10:07:00.000+08:00

haven been in the mood to do anything lately. so just some simple plain updates

this week and next week's project is with the year 2s. and mdm tan is telling stories again. haha

results out. my fav lecturer gave me an A.

supposed to do microcontroller project for tham weng seng. not progressing anywhere past programming. haha

trying to document weird stuffs about project in my phone. just to kill time and to get my mind off things.

supposed to look for wu siong wei regarding some matters and entertain J and his requests for a event which is so lasst minute.

there's this really great place to eat steamboat at beach road.

yum. it's supposed to be korean but its run by a chinese lady. it's not bad really, and cheap too. about 16 nett :)

glass half-empty

2007-09-14T14:51:00.001+08:00

whoever said life is a bed of roses, is a total moron. seriously.

i'm so glass half-empty.

we're engineers. we are supposed to be logical, analytical, detailed. we classify problems into the same category - power supply line, noise due to interference from RF signals, noise due to component imperfection, floating points- and we apply the same approach to solve these problems. we're results driven and we're reliable and accurate coz one wrong move, point, number or connection may result in a whole system failing, people dying, millions of dollars of losses. whatever.
and we are also social retards. i mean, dealing with systems, components, products, numbers, figures, equations and circuits everyday, it does have its price. we forget how to feel, how to behave, how and when to hold on, how to let go, essentially, the human connection. to us, its all dead components that we put together to serve a purpose, to perfect things that are already perfect. and we forget that we ourselves, we're imperfect. and the world around us, it's imperfect too. and when we finally face this imperfection, we tend to be over-logical, we over-classify, and we analyse too much into things that shouldn't be too closely looked at, like feelings and matters of the heart. then we either choose to force perfection on to it, or we choose to bring up some non-important quality and brush the imperfection off as a compromise to achieve this quality. kinda screwed aren't we?
and coz we know we can't deal with it, we choose to bury ourselves with equations and electronic components and machines. because we know that they can't hurt us the way interpersonal relationships can. because we know that the problems we face here are still solvable by following a step-by-step rule. because we know that we suck at dealing with this type of things. and because we can tell ourselves that we're trying to make the world a better place, when the fact is we're running away.

am i rambling? i think i'm rambling again.

the people you know wont hurt you, are the people you know you wont fall in love with.

Pain.

2007-09-13T10:58:00.000+08:00

Pain. we all hate pain, be it in any form- cuts, random aches, blue blacks.. the kind of stuff that we endure everyday. then there's the kind of pain, that blocks out your mind and makes everything recede into nothingness, the kind of pain where there's only you and yourself and how much it hurt.

personally i hate that. or at least, i think i do. it's a level that can only be achieved when you're mentally and emotionally hurt, and that's not a good feeling at all. and somehow, people, okay, specifically me, we bring the pain, invite it even, into our lives, knowing how much it will hurt and hoping that it will heal someday somewhen. why? why let yourself get hurt at all? why do we keep hitting ourselves time and time again?

maybe we all need that pain. i dunno, maybe things wont seem real without pain. maybe it's a form of reality check that life manufactures in bulk. maybe we are wired that way.

or maybe because you know it will feel so damn good when you stop hitting yourself with a hammer.

pain. we all have to go through it. ride it out. push through. open the cut that won't heal and air it and let it do it's work. hope it goes away on its own. it hurts. really really hurts. we all know that. and you can't outrun it coz life always makes more. and the thing about pain- the more you think you are in control of it and the messy emotions, the less you are.

2007-09-11T15:09:00.000+08:00

dead drunk last night.

was feeling really emo. then chunsiong and yizhe came over to return my long lost trolley. so yeah. they brought 440ml cans of beer and i got special treatment

this is what chunsiong and yizhe drank. 4.something% of alcohol

THIS is what they got for me. 8.8% of alcohol

and i don't really react well to beer. okay. alcohol in general actually. then my dear 2 guys wanted me to finish and they waited for me to finish. so yeah i did. stupidest move in my life.

obviously i got drunk. did i mention i didn't eat dinner coz i was feeling lousy too? and craps. puked like no one's business. went home and went to sleep just moments before my mom came back. and the only reason why my mom knew i was drinking was coz somebody found my wallet which i dropped somewhere along the way to my place and she came in to wake me up to scold me. and obviously i couldn't be bothered.

i really don't feel good.
~~supposed to go Microsoft later for a event meeting. and i think there's gonna be post discussion beer. or something to that extent.~~ okay. it's cancelled.but anyway, funny how the guys' answer to problems always seem to be alcohol.

how do you want me to choose? i can't. really.
it's a choice of whether i should just let go-of everything, of all the memories for the past year. or continue pretending that i can't see. it's a choice of the lesser of two evils actually, which sounds relatively simple to choose between. the only problem is, i don't know which one is worse. and i don't know whether i should listen to my head - which i really should-, or my heart - which i really want to-.
you asked me whether i prefer to hear lies. well, maybe i do. coz the truth hurts so so much more. i know it isn't fair to me, i know i shouldn't even continue on in the very first place, i know that at the end of the day, i might be the one losing out. i know i'm trying to mask the pain. i know. i know.
and somehow, i just can't stop thinking of continuing on.
i was so looking forward to everything. things seemed to be going fine, we were having fun and looking forward to my birthday and stuff, and i was enjoying myself despite the nagging voice at the back of my head.

i really don't want it to end like this. i don't want all this to disappear.

you know, making this decision, it's not supposed to be this hard.
and fact: i still don't know what to do.
why do you always have to take my breath away?

Digital Murder

2007-09-06T13:25:00.001+08:00

-looks at picture above-

Couldn't resist changing it. -rubs hands in glee-

Haha!

for more cool pics - check out stratix's deviantart in my links beside --->

:(

2007-09-05T22:16:00.000+08:00

i'm annoyed and in pain!!!

7 blisters coz of one stupid pair of new shoes.
2 reaaally huge ones that burst and hurt like no one's business
1 blue black on my foot as well which i've got no idea where the hell i got it

tummy hurts coz of some foreign sweet in my hot chocolate drink.
all thanks to some f-ing idiot

and i'm not in SMU for their event as a result.

blardy hell.

too short holidays

2007-09-03T11:08:00.000+08:00

~~here i am in Kou Fu.. waiting for my project briefing at 1pm.~~

okay now i'm at home. didn't manage to type finish just now. lol

Speaking of project briefing, think the lecturers are smart to put it so late. the general project briefing has this tendency to run late. today's briefing was delayed by half an hour due to technical difficulties -- the LT's speaker system decided not to work. then again, it's a tradition. oh well.

my holidays basically just flew past me without me realising it. sat back yest to think about what the hell i actually did during the past week.

Saturday: Microsoft Meeting
Sunday: stayed home
Monday: stayed home
Tuesday: went out to meet someone, went to the library, and went home to babysit my brother
Wedsnesday: met up with jospeh and cindy at SMU for a meeting, went to microsoft for a while, and then to school to attend SSN's Commissioning.
Thursday: went to school to attend my commissioning's rehearsal, collected blazers, went numbers bar
Friday: attended my commissioning (ORD loh!) went to school chalet and stayed overnight
Saturday: went to work after checking out of the chalet
Sunday: stayed at home and reflected on why the hell my holidays were so crappy.

zzz. so no life lor. i'm like. at school more than 60% of the time.

My commissioning was like over in. 15 mins. good job right? of course, the actual whole thing longer, after all the photos and entertaining of directors/staffs and the like. you know, usual stuff. Sadly no clubs came though. think was too rushed. oh well. anyway, i'll upload the photos once augustine gives me the cd :)

chalet afterwards was sort of fun. kind of quiet -- the other race that we're friendly with went over to ECP for a mutual friend's birthday party. but of course, we had our own fun la! the SSN girls left early, N and C went home early too coz N had a curfew and i dont really see N without C so.. -shrugs- but the rest of us lamed for quite a while though.

This is all of us left at 11 or so! okay, with the exception of zhangran who was sleeping.

then calvyn came by..

he happens to be kaster's next target so she chupped in our picture..

introducing.. my new president!

Kaster was really busy that night with her potential targets..
here's another one.

Social Studies question: What can you infer from the picture below?

Internal Joke: LUST only what!!

and we can't miss out the complicated family. there's the great granddaughter, the grandson who is the mother of the great granddaughter, and the ah-ma.. all in order. haha

heard this interesting conversation today though.
"oh Ms. So and So!! She not good one lor. her tips not accurate one. i got a D for her module."
"oh you all talking about Ms. So and So ar? She's good what. She gave me an A!"
So... am i suppose to conclude that marks places a deciding factor in whether a lecturer is good or not? :S

just stuffs

2007-08-30T19:52:00.000+08:00

heard someone used roger's name to write fuck you all on weiling's blog.
sheesh. total immaturity and lack of balls. thinks its _______ but well, nobody will know unless it was accidentally blurted out. seriously, what achievement can one get from that act?? argh, spoil mood.

speaking of spoil mood, somebody owes me a moment. which is NOT equals to torque, or force * magnitude, or whatever equivalent of the physics definition of moment. >.<

anyway, joseph and yizhe were alert enough to catch the 19 to 24 = 5 floors blunder by stanley who gave an impromptu presentation to the SCS students on weds. which stanley says is the reason why he is not in finance. wahahahaha.

had to leave early for SSN commissioning though, so i missed a great part of his demo. so i left and i arrived at LTN2 just in time for.....
FOOD! whoops. but must say that ziyou is already well known. lol guess that's one of the things about being P. he spent quite a fair bit of time entertaining the managers. which was quite funny coz xiaoying wanted to introduce yisu to the Course manager and he was busy with zi you.
heard that chai was angry that he wasn't invited. again, big whoops for SSN.

weird thing about them is the apparent lack of ... i don't know what to insert here. but it's like, everyone's doing their own thing, no one seems to know clearly what the other is doing, and what's going on in the overall picture. probably the lecturer is the only one that knows everything, which makes it so secondary school. i mean, hey this is a student club. just let them run the show! no use trying to bao everything right, after all, there are only 2 lecturers and they have their own stuffs to do. that's what a committee is for anyway. kind of weird if A & B are assigned this thing and the rest of them only knows that they are assigned this thing and know NO other details besides that. really, this reminds me of what happened during orientation between us and katherine's committee. we're like doing 2 different things and what i feel that we should be doing is, well, already done by them! ended up with multiple copies of the same thing and lots of long long discussions and spoilt feelings between us and them.then there was the apparent assumption that she's doing all the work by the directors, which is really unfair for my committee. sigh. all the heartaches

wanted to go eskibar with gang, but well, citing financial concerns, we'll be going elsewhere in clarke quay, try to take some photos. haha

and i'll be starting project next week under Mdm Tan. kind of looking forward to it, coz got challenge ma. but then again. it's a frosted glass room with ... arghs. so so spoil mood.

oh for the record, i love joseph's 150dBm group. and james is SUCH an attention seeker.

5 random things to do with lobsters and crabs :)

2007-08-25T22:03:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to weiling to prove to her that randomness is entertaining.

1. Take family portraits and random photos

2. Attempt to eat them. May result in side effects

3. Use them as eyepads. lobsteriere et crabbe de la creme anyone?

4. Practice on making lobster sushi/handroll with the lobster and the bubble wrap

5. Plaster them on your brother's mouth when he tries to annoy you when you're sick

Before: Sick Me

After: lobster decorated brother

Actually wanted to blog at Microsoft today but didnt really get the time aside from all the discussions and the laughs. Today was pretty cool, got to check out photosynth, popfly, HDview and 3d earth. photo synth was really really cool stuff. will play with it more if i have a chance.

anyway Lup peng randomly gave me his hat. which baofa says i look short in. -.-

anyway pictures below of them playing fooz ball and pool. wanted to take photos of the SMU peeps too but they were having a meeting :( oh well next time thens

the long long outing that ended up in the police station

2007-08-22T23:06:00.000+08:00

long long story.

but anyway, let's start with ~~yesterday.~~ the day before.

RF paper was on tuesday. it was pretty okay i guess. though i could have done it better (same goes for the rest of the modules come to think of it). Spent 30 mins listening to the argument between my left brain and my right brain over whether i should cancel question 3 or cancel question 2. left brain says that the values in question 2 are waay weird. right brain says but u cant remember whether to conjugate Zin for question 2. left brain insists that i will be able to score more marks for question 3. right brain says might as well score a fixed value for the first few parts and method marks the rest if the values are wrong rather than bank 20 marks on question 2 alone well.. you get my drift

just for the record, 3 consecutive back to back papers are totally brain numbing.
after rf paper ended at 630, i went home and ate and napped and went out to meet thomas at macdonalds to study. where i promptly stayed until 3am. (looks at huge cup of latte) I am sooo brain dead now. especially after wireless paper was over.

wireless paper on the other hand.. lost marks here and there again. mainly because i totally forgot about gaussian filters. and there were like 2 or 3 question on it. which was a very very smart move for my brain. craps. this is like one of the worse exam periods ever.
forwards to exciting part so after the wireless paper, met up with weiling, xiaoying, kaster, namheng, bo yao, nigel, bernard and kangwei after weiling, xiaoying and nigel managed to escape the jaws of BITC. went for a very very late lunch at AMK Hub, followed by fondue (pics are with xiaoying).

anyway, bo yao the poor thing left his phone on the table. and when he found out, we had already finished our fondue. so we went up to check with the cleaners, and -nil-. Kaster then noticed that there were CCTVs which led us to look for the manager, who told us to come back at 6. So we went for a quick game of pool in which quek's phone went missing and i got suan-ed for being short (like again) and quek got a new hair style by aspiring stylist wei ling --->

after getting back to food fare, we found out that the phone was really taken away by someone and was none other than the friend of an ex-worker who came back to settle some stuffs. she was really really unlucky in a way, coz we had all the information of the ex-worker on hand - handphone number, address and such. the manager then proceeded to call that particular ex-worker, who actually admitted that they took the phone by saying that they had already passed it to security! but the thing is, when we checked with security, they said there wasn't any phone left with them. >.<
@ the police station

poor bo yao answering the same questions again, and again, and again, and again

Boredom takes over, and weiling practices her design skills

Weiling's custom handbag made of recycled materials!

Proud owner of the new handbag

and of course, we thought of all sorts of crappy stuffs like buying 4D, calling newpaper to get a new samsung phone, all for the sake of entertainment of course. Can't expect anything else from 8 bored people accompanying 1 person to make a report right? haha

of lies and disappointment

2007-08-20T20:22:00.001+08:00

telecoms paper today.
didnt read a question properly. lost 8 marks.
there goes my CWA. oh well.

kind of empty after the paper though. seems as if i spend the past 18 weeks just studying for this paper and now that is all over... lost? empty? dunno. weird feelings.
3 more papers. so not enjoying it. argh

met yong sheng up just now at bedok to pass him his adobe suite. was so tired i slept all the way to marina bay -.- ended up being quite late. anyway the adobe suite says made in singapore. lols.

people lie. fact
though you would think that they would lie more intelligently. asked -inserts random name- to email me some stuffs that the SA officer wanted. checked with him a couple of days later when i didn't see anything new in my inbox. so apparently this person said he did, to my hotmail account. okays. benefit of doubt. went home searched through and nope. nil. messaged him again, asked him to send it to my gmail as well, you know just in case there's something wrong with the routing and the IP packets and hops as well as whatever we learned in year2. got this a s a reply "hmmm how to? when i'm being blocked from your emails. in case you are not aware. Cheers"
riiight. like i'd be so free to block all your emails. even if i did block you in MSN, emails still can be sent. stop lying. You needn't have told me that you emailed, when the fact is you didn't. seriously.
you can dislike me, that's perfectly fine. ~~Probably~~ you already know that i dont even want to talk to you outside of work-related stuffs. but the thing is, if you can't even draw a line between personal grudges and work and lie to me as a result then you have probably clocked the lowest level of disappointment ever. you know, i thought you were better, that you could actually at the very least not disappoint me in that aspect. well i guess you have proven me wrong.
have you ever actually stopped and reflected back? the lies to your friends and lecturers, the things you say behind your friends' back, the sarcarsm you give me when i need to get things done oh am i going to get my head chopped off because of that?, the total fakeness and ego, the immature stuffs that you do to people who have turned away from you. what does knocking into her on purpose actually accomplish anyway? it just proves that you are so SO narrowminded and your immaturity.
and as a result, you have alienated yourself...

and nobody can help you if you can't help yourself.

a stolen quote off somebody's blog :D

2007-08-18T01:17:00.000+08:00

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." - Frank Outlaw.

http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

2007-08-18T00:32:00.001+08:00

chosed the colors and this is what i got

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.
You haven't been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover - and recover you will - it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.
You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.
You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.
Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.

Mr Chai's Room

2007-08-14T14:18:00.000+08:00

One of the few things i love about Mr Chai's office ~~usually i dread going there~~ - this poster pasted on the wall.
Never tire of reading it, really.

Here's what it says:

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN
(a guide for Global Leadership)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm.

Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Food for thought. :)

Exam Period

2007-08-13T17:42:00.000+08:00

exams are one of my favorite periods of the school year

the silence

the emptiness of the school

the extra seats available in the canteen

the unfamilliarity of your pen when you hold it for the first time in... 1 month

the peacefulness, without all the background noise of chatter, ringtones, mp3 players, laptops, game consoles..

and of course, no classes! which equates to more sleep! -hugs nonexistent pillow-

ahhh... what good life.
and of course, you start to realise that handphones and laptops and pocky and blogspot are major distractions.

and as the minutes tick away in the quietness, you suddenly realise that you haven actually accomplished anything. and that, unfortunately, shatters your self-imposed illusion.
zzz. i hate exams.

~~my messy study table.~~

hung out for a while with yongsheng and baofa at starbucks yesterday. haven talked to them for quite a while, so it was quite a bit of catching up. forgot to take pictures though. oh well. next time then. haha

was trying to convince dad to get the hp tablet for me. :D hopefully he'll get it. then i wont bitch about lousy graphics anymore haha.

AND interestingly enough, one of my little leopard cory fishes -points to picture- that i bought on thursday disappeared.
really.
there's only the other one left, plus the angelfish. no sign of the other, not even when i cleaned up the tank. not even a freaking skeleton. :S weird disappearing fish. -wonders where it went- :(

oh well. i should get back to studying. zzz

Note to self: sleeping does NOT help in getting info into your head. :(

redefining redundancy

2007-08-11T02:44:00.001+08:00

i was enlightened as to the redefinitition of the word redundancy.
as expected, both the deputy director and the course manager were nowhere to be seen. suspected that he was using their names yet AGAIN. it's not the first time anyway, so i'm not surprised. it's just an issue of how low he will stoop to annoy me. seriously have no idea what he is trying to accomplish anyway.

redundancy wise, __ was trying to show off that he actually knows SOMETHING i guess. questions were pretty dumb, esp from somebody with high qualifications. how much does this cost? ~~they are for transmission purposes.so are you going to buy the hardware and broadcast your own hd channel in the poly?~~ what brand is it? ~~you already bought your equipment for the module. what's the point and value in that question? and anyway the digital imaging software is more for the SIDM students~~ how come when you all play it's like so perfect huh? redundancy dude, redundancy. no one expects tv to have a major failure every other day. it's the same as PSTN. it's a matter of adding redundancy to support. you know, hot standby, N+X, load sharing and whatever. do you all sleep here? ~~when they mention hundreds of hours, they mean man-hours. not "i'm physically there for hundreds of hours straight" hours.~~ seriously.

have to commend him on making an effort to tag along my group (we were split into a couple of groups for easier movement). probably he thinks that i'll step on to his tail again and talk about the lack of equipment. on the bright side, we were spared from answering questions like "so what are you guys doing for HDTV in school?". but then again, he hogged the question and answer session. in fact, we had to cut him a couple of times to ask questions. -rolls eyes- oh well. hopefully it'll be one of the last few times i have to endure his nonsense. maybe i'll actually miss him. -snorts-

showed asri the russell clip. its still pretty funny, despite hearing it for the Nth time. he's not a bad comedian. lols

-randoms- miss the peeps at MSP

big brown mosquito in my room. :(
commencing operation smack that mozzie.

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?

it's not something you will wanna buy

2007-08-10T01:33:00.000+08:00

stratix just crushed my hopes and dreams.

5-figure for the graphics card

:(

of politics and decisions

2007-08-09T17:39:00.000+08:00

Commissioning is confirmed to be on the 31st of this month. was asked whether it's a good or bad thing. i replied that being able to step down is a huge sigh of relief. seen too much during my term. I guess that's the price of being in the spotlight. though on second thoughts, i think i will still kaypoh abit and hang around till the end.

stuff's been happening lately.

talked to a teacher fren of mine the other day. he was mentioning that 2 different syllabuses were being run for the same subject, and coz of the difference in workload, his students were complaining. the impression that he gave me was kind of contradicting though. it's like he seemed really resigned about it, and said that its not up to him to say anything, he's just following instructions and running his side of the module though he also didnt seem to be happy about the other syllabus. Then when his students came over to hand in their folios and workbooks, he was the one who initiated this topic. "later you say that my class got alot of work again" i dont know whether it was just a in the moment kind of thing, or if he was trying to prove that his students really think that way.. -shrugs- anyway i havent heard the other side of the story yet, so i shall reserve my opinions until then.

had my last lecture of my poly life (hopefully) yesterday. then it'll be study break for a week followed by a week of back to back examinations and another week of holidays. Then it's another semester of project/attachment and WHEE!
Short term wise i'm still thinking whether to work first or study first and whether to get a scholarship and where to go to study and what company if i'm going to get a scholarship.
kinda want to work in that company coz the culture is pretty cool. but the problem is that they only like grads and getting in is an achievement by itself. Or maybe i should just get a scholarship and clock experience in whatever company first before i change to this one.
oh well i think i shall just drag the decision making though. probably i should concentrate on worldskills first and get myself into the final team that will eventually be going for the national rounds. Maybe then i'll decide whether to choose a company straight away and sign a bond or apply to one after i grad from uni. maybe then i'll know better what i want.

mediacorp field trip tomorrow. the doctorate has been hyping about it and saying stuffs like the deputy director and the course manager will be joining us there. why they would, i have got no idea. oh and he kept telling me not to tell mediacorp that we dont have any lab equipment. why i would, i have got absolutely no idea as well. even if i did i dont they think they will give a damn anyway. think i can count on him to make me even more high profile. had this nagging feeling that he was talking about me to the agilent guy, and asri felt that too. oh well, we shall see tomorrow. i have not done anything wrong and in any case, he's not that important too worry about anyway.

oh btw, conditioner does wonders to your hair.

they are your friends. and when you work with them, you think that they understand your actions and thoughts and the helplessness you feel when you have to do things you can't help but have to do. but the thing is...

they don't. and the most heartwrenching part is when you sacrifice the friendship because of it.

Aero O Aero..

2007-08-09T16:57:00.000+08:00

clean installed vista on my laptop. which accounts for my lack of activity online for the past couple of days.
and after 1 full day of headaches trying to get all the drivers and stuff installed properly, i found out that windows aero is not working.
yay.
like seriously what's the point of vista ultimate without Aero Glass? No nice features. no flip 3d, no dreamscene. :(
checked the web and found out that my integrated graphics card is too old to support.

Q3: Is Intel providing WDDM drivers for Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 900 (Intel GMA 900) on Intel 915 Express chipset-based platforms?
A3: Intel will provide support for WDDM drivers beginning with the Intel® 945 Express chipset family and beyond. See question 5 below for a detailed explanation of WDDM support on Intel® 915 Express chipset-based platforms. However, Windows Vista is supported on the Intel® 865G, 915G Express desktop chipsets and 852/855GM mobile chipsets running XPDM (XP Display Driver Model) driver included on the Windows Vista install media. Windows Vista will install on these platforms, but advanced features such as Windows Aero will not be enabled as XPDM drivers do not support Windows AERO.

then yesterday my vista decided to be annoying and gave me a BSOD everytime it shuts down when its on battery.
luckily i met up with davis yesterday and he helped me unchecked the restart automatically checkbox when there's a system failure. (yeah my vista BSODed and refused to shut down after that) It's some interrupt problem, which davis says its most likely due to a problem with the installation of some drivers.
i ended up clean installing vista again this morning till about 4am, and this time, when i inserted the application restore disk that came with my laptop, i unchecked like almost everything besides the sound and video drivers.
Now it's okay, so i'm ~~happy~~ contented despite the lack of aero. trying to download my stuff now, the nice gadgets and redundant software like webshots that davis is nagging at me to uninstall. oh and i have yet to figure out how to set up my bluetooth here too. suspect the bluetooth driver on the application restore cd is crashing vista, so i shall search around for it. (btw, hp site is impossible when it comes to finding drivers )

I like the way it looks, especially on widescreen. pretty sleek huh? though i think everyone would agree that my fugly laptop sticker spoils everything.

Weijie says that there's an external graphics card by nvidia though. Very gien to buy it, though its kind of dumb to buy a usb drvien graphics card that you have to plug in just to see Aero. lol

Election!

2007-08-07T00:45:00.001+08:00

Election today.

Congrats to all my 3 candidates :)

I have high hopes for all of you.
Hopefully you all will do a better job than i did.

Today was a serious shock. At exactly 11, there were maybe.... 13 or so students in the LT. like woah. shit. all of us started calling for help there and then. thank goodness that the crowd started to fill after the candidates finished their introductions, albeit 35 mins late

I spent the better half of the hour chatting with Ziyou, Jiayi and Zhang Ran after the election. was kind of reminiscing, while at the same time telling them what they need to know, what they should look out for, what to expect, and to be strong. Seriously, there are so many things that happened over the past year that really really got on my nerves, disappointed me, wore me down. But somehow, all the sad parts seems to be overshadowed by the times where i can really feel the warmth and the support from the committee-the people that i had no choice in choosing whether to work with but gradually got close together and helped and covered for each other over the months. And not to mention my juniors and friends, their words of encouragement and advice.. though they are always making fun of my height (as xy says, i have short legs, or to be precise, i have the longest legs out of the shortest legs. or whatever)
i guess these were the times where everything just seemed to be worth it. These are the people who have helped me defined my term and without which, nothing would have been possible. thanks guys.
chatted with her yesterday. and in our conversation, we were talking about such stuffs. It's not about the time or the money, it's about the emotional factor. How well are you at handling that? Managing time and money seriously pales in comparison. and if the emotional satisfaction you get out of it is worth every single bit, then any amount of sacrifice in terms of time and money is not going to be a defining factor at all and will naturally take care of itself. I guess at the end of the day, that is what really matters most.

hmm shall think about it somemore when i'm on the bus or something.

anyway i think calvyn is seriously drunk. haha

2007-08-07T00:19:00.001+08:00

To her:
I guess it's really tiring, having to endure all the nonsense everytime, day in day out.. It's like, give me a break and let me do my stuffs in peace! It's really nto a very good feeling, and i suppose you are thinking at the back of your head as well, who are you to them? just some random girl to bully?
I dunno, and i might be wrong, but i think it's just their (really weird) way of bonding. I guess dealing with difficult people everyday (e.g. DG) & "incidents" or whatever funny word the management likes to call difficult situations is really demoralising, and by fooling and joking around.. that's how they cope with the stress from the nonsensical things that happen each day.. and you know what? From what i see, they are making an effort to include you in that bond.. It's obvious that you are so much closer to them than the other 2.. I dont really see them approaching them to talk and disturb.. I think that despite all their mean jokes and annoying comments, they really treasure you to be in their team, else they wouldn't even give a damn about you. I guess they think that you are able to handle all their (not funny) jokes and yet able to do your job properly, and in a funny way, it is a form of respect. Probably they just dont realise that sometimes they do tend to get a bit overboard ( well they are a bunch of guys who haven't really grown up after all). yeah sure they can be real jerks at times, but for your case, you know they will be there to support you if something happens, and that you can definitely count on them. and of course, without them to bully you , working there will be kinda weird huh? :P take it easy babe. things will get better. :)

new blog

2007-08-04T01:52:00.000+08:00

here am i again

back to blogging after a dry spell of a year or so since my last blog closed down.
seems like things do have a tendency to repeat themselves.

what goes around comes around

this first entry to start off everything seems to be kinda dead
i guess it reflects the mood i have been in for the past semester.
things just dont seem to be going right at all, with all the major explosions all over the place.
i'm not supposed to say this as a ______ but kinda wish that everything will be over soon and that i can finally let go of everything and step out. Then again, the world outside is as bad. sigh things just seem to be in a never ending cycle that goes around and around and around and around.

sometimes i just feel trapped.

a puppet more like.
i'm not supposed to do this, i'm not supposed to say that, i cant act this way, i cant react to such stuffs, no you cant do this, you must concentrate on that, you must maintain impartiality, you need to show an example.

more like you are ruining every damn part of my life.

so many things that i cant do. so many things i'm expected to do..
so many things i give up for everything i do.

there's always a price for everything. nothing in the world is free

and the thing is.

i dont know what i want.

i guess that's all there is to it.